goodbye mission
By nbar1234
4/10/2013 8:47:13 PM
I am a 19 year old male. I use to be strong into the church, I always paid my tithing, went to all my meetings, prayed every night, read scriptures, abd basically did everything my heart desired. When I was 16 my family moved to a new ward and there I met a very beautiful girl. We started to talk and she confessed she liked me and from there we started to hit it off. We considered our selves boyfriend and girlfriend and we were seriously in love, we never did anything bad and were never alone, we even planned on getting married, like i said we were in love but it was too early of an age, we had so many great memories. This lasted for two years until she joined the schools dance team and changed from sweet beautiful girl to stuck up rude girl and out pf nowhere we quit talking. This broke my heart and basically i went down the wrong way which was my fault. I started to masturbate which months later it turned into porn. I started to skip church meetings and i eventually went tp church twice a month. I lost faith, I quit paying tithing, I lost hope in heavenly father, I was confused, lost and depressed. Soon after i met another girl who was lds but she led me down a wrong path pressuring me do things sexually. I am now as guilty as can be and it was my fault for letting this all happen. The past couple of months, I had a strong desire to serve and LDS mission and repent, I just dont know where to start? I have no friends anymorr to support me I have guilt and I am depressed what I did. My mission was my dream, and now its gone, its too late. I dont know where to start with repentance. I am scared to confess to my bishop. I need thayt special input I need info, I need help and I am confessing it. I do have a desire. VERY STRONG to get back on tje right path. I started to pray last night and repented i was tearing up because the guilt i have. I ruined my mission I probably cant go which was my dream to go just 2a years ago. Ireally want to go on a mission but i know i cant. How can I repent if I feel like nobody is listening.. Im so confused I reallt want the forgiveness but I feel like its all my fault and I wont be able to succeed. Whenever I pray I dont feel anything anymore. Has anyone been down this path? Im crying for advice


"For serious sexual sin, it is highly unlikely that someone can server a mission. That is unfortunate that this maybe out of reach for you even though it was a dream of yours. I suggest that you need to put it in perspective. Just because you can't serve doesn't me you can't serve in other ways."
posted at 22:09:12 on April 10, 2013 by Anonymous
I have known several missionaries who have served after being sexually active. Some were nonmembers at the time and then became converted and some were members who went through a rough patch like you. A dear friend of mine lived with her boyfriend for years while she was less active and then broke up with him, changed her life and went on a mission. There are some things that would disqualify a person, like having a child, but what you really need is the advice of your Bishop.
Regardless, a mission is a very, very, very worthy goal, But even more important than going on a mission is getting right before the Lord no matter what that means. Work the steps of repentance whether a mission is in your future or not.
The feelings that you are talking about, guilt, emptiness, confusion....I think are very familiar to all of us here. The adversary wants you to believe that this can't be fixed. Simply don't believe him. The Savior says that 'though are sins be as scarlet' that they can become 'white as snow'. Trust that promise.
Work the steps. Go to your Bishop. He will guide you."
posted at 07:29:24 on April 11, 2013 by maddy
Response to Mission    
"It isn't impossible but it is "highly unlikely" especially nowadays and especially if you weren't a nonmember at the time. I had a companion who had had sex before his mission. I knew another who was as well and there were probably more. However, that was almost twenty years ago and they have supposedly "raised the bar" since then.

Who knows? Maybe you could go after you see your Bishop but you won't know UNTIL you see your Bishop. I suggest seeing him and give him an open and honest conversation and let the chips fall where they may. I would not focus on the mission right now. The primary purpose of the law of chastity is so we can live with our father in heaven again through the plan of salvation not so we can serve a mission."
posted at 11:01:36 on April 11, 2013 by Anonymous
"The most important mission right now is repentance and to get right with your Father in Heaven. Not until this happens can you even seriously consider a mission. This is your mission.

One mission at a time! The Lord knows our hearts he will do what is right for you just have FAITH. He loves you but you must face this first.

Even if you do not get to go on a mission every member is suppose to be a missionary. We can show the Lord each and everyday that we would be worthy for a mission by our thoughts, actions and service. We can share the Gospel whenever we are impressed by the spirit to share it.

The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is to high and we miss it. But that it is to low and we reach it. "Michelangelo"

May God Bless you in your Righteous strivings!"
posted at 21:11:12 on April 14, 2013 by Anonymous
My understanding about raising the bar    
"I knew several people that just went belly up after the raising the bar comment and left the church for a while.

Here's from an older handbook..
"A prospective missionary who has been guilty of adultery, fornication, heavy petting, homosexual activity, other sexual perversions, drug misuse, serious violation of civil law, or other serious transgressions must repent before he or she may be recommended for missionary service. The member must also be worthy to enter the temple before he or she may be recommended.

The bishop and stake president confirm that the member is free of transgression for sufficient time to manifest genuine repentance and prepare spiritually for a mission call. This period could be as long as three years for multiple serious transgressions and should not be less than one year from the most recent serious transgression. Mere confession does not
constitute repentance. There must also be evidence of a broken heart and contrite spirit and of a lasting change of behavior.

Bishops and stake presidents teach prospective missionaries that to qualify for the needed guidance of the Spirit, they must resolve transgressions before entering the mission field. Unless there are unusual extenuating circumstances, missionaries who are found to have entered the mission field without resolving serious transgressions with the bishop
will be released early and returned home (see page 86).

Extended Pattern of Serious Transgressions
Indivuduals who have been promiscuous with several partners or who have been with one partner over an extended period of time ... will not be considered for full time missionary service.

in cases where leaders feel there are unusual circumstances, the stake president may submit a request to the first presidency to consider an exceptio

Homosexual Activity
If a person has participated in homosexual acts during or after the last three teenage years, he or she will not be considered for full-time missionary service unless the bishop and stake president see strong evidence of lasting repentance and reformation, with at least one year free of transgression.

If a person was victimized or participated in early-age experimentation and has no current indication of homosexual tendencies, he or she may be considered for full-time missionary service. "

The way I read this is that if a member messes up several times, there are too high of a risk and aren't allowed to go. Or if a member has a girlfriend and is having lots of sex -- not allowed.

I think that makes sense to me. having regular sex changes a person and I think it's hard to get a celibate mentality back. Plug in a bunch of 19 yr olds with someone with too much carnal knowledge is a recipe for disaster. I know I had several mission companions that were too carnally knowledgeable and it wrecked havoc on my thought patterns.

From your account, it sounds like you fooled around a few times with your girlfriend. I think you could still qualify after a year or so of waiting."
posted at 06:45:25 on April 15, 2013 by Anonymous
""having regular sex changes..."

I had to reread your sentence. LOL."
posted at 10:15:39 on April 15, 2013 by Anonymous
Talk to your bishop    
"I know people from my ARP group have left to go on missions, so it may not be impossible. Like others have said though, rather you can still go on a mission or not, you need to talk to your bishop. Then you will have your bishop to help you through the rest. Find an ARP group to go to, and start going. Also, if you're suffering from depression, I'd suggest seeing a doctor and a counselor. Find a counselor who deals with addiction.

posted at 18:27:54 on April 15, 2013 by dstanley
Just go talk to the Bishop    
"While I did not have serious sexual sins with my girlfriend I did sin, and to make matters worse my Dad was my Bishop... Yeah, it sucked, but I cant tell you how good it felt to go through the process and feel clean. Trust me, get the repentance started, and you will immediately start to feel better.

Your Bishop has probably heard of worse things than you will tell him. He will be sad, but he will help you start the process. Just do it!"
posted at 16:24:04 on May 2, 2013 by Homeward
You cant sin away repentance    
"nbar1234, remember that you cant put yourself out of reach of God. There are only a few that can do that. I had mission companions much older than i was at the time. Don't let social pressures of going at 19 stop you from going at 20, 21, 22, or older! I am glad you have this desire, and i am glad you want to go. But if you failed your preconceived dream or expectation of yourself, doesnt mean the Lord is going to give up on you. No, you can go on a mission tomorrow, but no one said you cant go at all! GO! GO see your bishop IN SPITE of your fears! Do it in spite of satan. Do it because there is a very good likelyhood that the Lord knew you would have this experience in your life before your mission before you experienced it. And honestly, who is better at teaching the healing affects of the atonement, than one who has had to reach from hell to heaven to have it cleanse his life?
Don't give up. Let your fear be the fire that ignites your courage. You aren't worst than the rest of us. :) We all screw up in different ways, and sometimes the same ways."
posted at 18:07:00 on May 2, 2013 by Anonymous
"btw, satan would love to make you think you are hopeless and no longer able to serve a mission. So, you fell in some mud, take a bath. You're still better than satan is. And he knows that."
posted at 18:20:48 on May 2, 2013 by nowell29
You Are Bigger Than This    
"It is awesome that you would still like to serve a mission. Remember not to run before you can walk! Take it one day at a time. I have struggled with masturbation the last two years, and I know that this will keep me from not only serving a mission but also from living the life I so desperately want to live that Heavenly Father has design special for me.

I am a 21 year old Female. And FYI, I am looking to spend eternity with a man who has a strong testimony of the church who strives to live a righteous life and fulfill his Priesthood responsibilities. I want to be with a loving man who understands the full depth, meaning, and purpose of the Atonement. I will not condemn for past mistakes that have been repented of, and I'd ask for the same courtesy to be extended to me and my short comings. I want to do God's will. I am taking it one day at a time, trying to do better each day.

There is always hope in the Lord. We may not know what is coming, but we can take things one day at a time. As we strive, each day, to do the best we can I know that the Lord will bless us in our efforts. I remember for one of the project I did for my Personal Progress I wanted to make sure that my bedroom was a refuge from the world. I have collected several images of the Savior, the Temple, and other uplifting items. This has continued to bless me in my struggles and temptations. Along with that the simple act of keeping my room clean is huge, because that's when the spirit can be strongest in the environment I strive to create here in my refuge.

Just start by looking for the good in each day. Choose to be happy, you are the only one that can control that. If you need to pray mechanically for a while until you can feel that spiritual connection again, then do some with the memory of what you have felt before. As you do what you know is right remember that testimony that you had until you have that strong conviction of the Gospel once again.

I hope that somewhere in all of this you can find hope for your future. The first step is to admit that there is something wrong. It may seem hard and extremely overwhelming, believe me I understand, but you do need to talk to your Bishop. Remember that every good thought is of the spirit. Feelings of fear and anxiety are tools Satan will use to keep you trapped. Just do it, reach out to your Bishop. You probably think that if you do that your Bishop will judge you and think less of you, I know I did. I thought the same thing before I told my parents too, 2 years after the fact. But what Satan doesn't want you to know is that stepping up and confessing, and asking for help, is the strongest thing you can do. Remember that you are a Son of God, and there is nothing you can't do with the Savior on your side. You are bigger than this!"
posted at 23:00:58 on May 6, 2013 by anewrainbow
Serving a Mission    
"I forgot to say that you shouldn't give up on serving a mission. I may not know the full scope of what has transpired. I do know, and from personal experience, that sexual sins are among the most grievous. And now I know why. Because they can be so addicting, and because they strike at the heart of the family.

I believe in the atonement, and that there is nothing I can't repent of. I hope as you repent you will be able to go on your mission. I am still trying to get ready for one myself. But I know that whatever happens, that through repentance, your path will become more clear to you and you will find the direction that you seek.

It's been said in early comments that it is honorable to want to serve a mission. But the main idea behind that is that it is honorable to want to serve the Lord. Having a desire is the first step in every action we make. And because of that desire you have to serve your Lord and Savior I know that you still have a testimony of the truthfulness of this Gospel."
posted at 23:10:00 on May 6, 2013 by anewrainbow
Your Bishop will help you    
"We are very good at beating ourselves up and giving out our own punishment. The Savior, through your Bishop, is the only one who can judge us righteously. My guess is that a mission is not lost, I'm not your Bishop, so I can't say that for sure. I know somebody right now that is about to turn in his papers after being sexually active. Go talk to your Bishop now. Don't wait. Pick up the phone and call the executive secretary and make an appointment. No, really, what are you waiting for?

I speak from experience, even though it is a really scary thing to do you will be surprised at how much your Bishop truly cares for you. He wants what is best for you and he will not think less of you. I promise you will feel a great burden lifted as you talk with him. Then you can find out where you stand and work towards repentance and hopefully a mission. Did you call yet? Talking to my Bishop was the best thing I did to start my road to repentance. You can do it."
posted at 20:52:24 on May 7, 2013 by Anonymous
Let the desire work in you    
"Hey man, I hear ya. We've all done some really stupid things, and some really bad things, and have been where we felt there was no way we could get back. I completely lost faith in God in the practice of my addiction, and that was within a few years post-mission, and while attending BYU and teaching at the MTC. There is a road back. You can regain your faith as you reach out to God and see His help to overcome these problems. My faith has slowly grown, as has my sobriety, and yours can too.

Even though you don't feel like you have much faith or feel like doing this or that will help much, let the desire you have work inside you (like the Alma scripture), and let it bring you to doing various works. Not sure where the last month has taken you, but I pray things have improved and that you have reached out to a bishop, or a support group. This will only get worse in isolation, I can promise you that. Reach out and good luck!"
posted at 09:35:04 on May 14, 2013 by recovery.gdo
You never know    
"You never know what will happen. If you haven't already, get in to your bishop. Don't worry if you're nervous, he already knows. He may not know the details but believe me he knows. You can always tell when someone is not in harmony with gospel teachings. Your bishop is anxious to get you going back on the straight and narrow. As I understand it, the desires of your heart count for more than your past. When I read your post, I cried. You are so precious and I don't even know you. There is a really really fabulous book that will really help you to understand what is happening and how to over come it. It is called, Putting On The Armor of God written by Steven Cramer. Talk about losing hope. That man has been through the ringer and back again. He knows what he's talking about. Give it a try. Good luck."
posted at 13:52:35 on May 16, 2013 by Anonymous

Add a Comment:

***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"Strength comes from uplifting music, good books, and feasting from the scriptures. Since the Book of Mormon was to come forth “when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth” (Morm. 8:31), study of that book in particular will fortify us."

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988