Just got back from my mission
By deansmithy
4/2/2013 1:54:55 PM
I was doing so good on my mission - went the whole first year without any issues but then continued to slip up during the last half. Couldn't seem to control myself and found myself MB-ing whenever I had the chance. I'm working on getting this under control ASAP. I'm too ashamed to go to a group meeting for support so am trying for online support first! Drop me a line if you have any good advice.


That's the point of meetings    
"At meetings shame melts away as the hoar frost melteth away before the burning rays of the rising sun."
posted at 15:18:13 on April 2, 2013 by they_speak
You're not the only one...    
"I thought I was a freak of nature....Until I went to the meetings. Yeah, it can be kinda embarrassing at first, but you'll find a better way of living. :)"
posted at 15:34:02 on April 2, 2013 by g1rlie
Some advice...    
"I have not used "groups" but if they work for others maybe they will work for you.

Either way, you need to seek the Lord and come up with a plan. Find out what your triggers are. Not the BIG triggers like looking at porn, find out what leads you there. Where is your mind? Bored? Where is your body? Tired? You will find a commonality that leads you to situations that compromise your ability to resist temptation. When you do, AVOID them like the plague. Be prepared to make decisions when you are at your strongest not at your weakest."
posted at 16:58:14 on April 2, 2013 by stayingclean
Why would you be ashamed to go to a meeting with people who have the same problem as you have?    
"Why not just try attending one in the first place? You don't have to say anything other than your first name, you can just pass if you don't want to say anything. And they don't want you to say anything graphic or get into details even if you do want to speak for 2-3 minutes. But remember, addictions thrive in secrecy.

If meetings aren't for you, you'll probably figure that out pretty soon, after the third or fourth, maybe sooner. There are people on here, both male and female, who have had the same problem you have and who have gotten a lot of real help through group meetings. One sister recently put in her papers for a mission. So there are a lot of success stories out there. That should encourage you, because every one of them was as enslaved as you and I are.

Anyway, welcome to the site, and we're all here to help each other and to be each other's cheering section. I'll be sending you an email. By the way, have you spoken to your bishop about this? That's the first step in repentance. He's there to help you get back on the road to spiritual health.

And I agree with the comments above."
posted at 20:17:05 on April 2, 2013 by dog
"Thank you for your support and kind words. Very helpful. My older brother is my bishop, so am too embarrassed to go and talk to him about it. Anyone else dealt with things like this before? Would rather discuss via email instead of out in the open like this. Feel free to contact me directly."
posted at 15:02:06 on April 3, 2013 by deansmithy
"That sucks. Screw the ward boundaries. I would see someone else."
posted at 16:45:36 on April 3, 2013 by Anonymous
"Just tell your brother you are having difficulty with your urges. He did too at one point in his life. He will be able to relate. It's easier to tell your brother than someone you hardly know, isn't it? If it's too weird after you tell him then consider working with someone else. If he can't help you then seek other support."
posted at 18:15:42 on April 3, 2013 by Anonymous
Bit of advice..    
"The thing you and this first anon person need to understand is that your brothers duties as your bishop are TOTALLY different then his duties as your brother. Going against ward boundaries is NOT possible because another bishop does NOT have stewardship over you. ANYTHING that you may say to your bishop CANNOT be used against you outside of that office. And if he even mentions anything that you tell him as your bishop to anyone else is grounds for him to be released and possibly more serious. As a bishop he is set apart as a Judge in Israel. Go to him as your bishop NOT your brother, he will understand.

Just my advice. I am not emailing you because I am a female and you had expressed weariness about that. But I am willing to correspond with you via email if you would like."
posted at 15:05:51 on April 4, 2013 by SeekingHelp
"hey sweet girl....really not NOT helpful for a guy and YOU to communicate about this on a personal level through private email. HUGE CAUTION OF DANGER IF YOU BOTH WANT TO GET HELP. He will find PLENTY OF MALE SUPPORT. Please keep this safe for the both of you. You both seem you want to get recovery. Go for it. So cool to feel the spirit ...and seekinghelp girl-their are alot of females to support you.;) I think our problem is that were both weak for the opposite sex to help them for right now."
posted at 00:59:01 on April 5, 2013 by marie sober
@Deansmithy. go to meetings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    
"their plenty of meetings for men only with your problem in the church. It will make you feel so SO much better knowing MANY MEN BOYS HAVE YOUR SAME PROBLEM. DO IT! HAVE COURAGE. BE STRONG. :) I promise you will feel the love when you walk in the room and relate with them....Meetings have saved me."
posted at 01:02:16 on April 5, 2013 by marie sober
ah-brother bishop......ya I would suggest not seeing him for starters.....    
"I just read your comment about your bro being bishop. I would suggest Stake President. I have talked with my stake pres and he was very helpful! My bishop basically also saved me life through this problem but there was a time I felt to talk with stake president. It helps and they are also there to help if need. I'm sure he be more than happy to help you. Sometimes just too hard to go to family and family does get upset quicker with our problems than just outsider...when their upset-it harder to stay strong and abstain from addiction."
posted at 10:02:08 on April 5, 2013 by marie sober
We all did it on our missions...    
"Dude - dont' sweat it. Me and my companions used to do it all the time. Not at the same time...LOL...but we could hear each other do it. Relax and don't beat yourself up about it. I'll email you and tell you all about it if you want."
posted at 14:34:20 on April 8, 2013 by Anonymous
""Relax and don't beat yourself up about it."

posted at 15:33:54 on April 8, 2013 by Anonymous
question regarding those meetings-    
"Is everyone at the meeting and sex addict? Even the leaders or whatever you call them?"
posted at 19:10:53 on April 8, 2013 by itstime
"A great Bishop once said to me that a Mission President friend of his had a young missionary come to him, bags packed and remorseful, and when he asked the young missionary why he was sending himself home the young man confessed he was having problems with masturbation.

The mission president responded, "If I sent home every one here who had problems with masturbation then my wife would be here alone!""
posted at 22:59:14 on April 8, 2013 by maddy
@ Anon    
posted at 00:39:43 on April 9, 2013 by SeekingHelp
"Let me apologize if I offended you in anyway with my comment. You didn't direct your above comment to me, but me and Anon were, (I think) saying similar things. I'd like to explain for my part. My intention (which is a dangerous word) was to let Dean and others know that they are not alone. So much of what keeps people bound in sexual addictions is because of loneliness and shame. Some of the healing of going to meetings is to hear and see that others have experiences just like yours. Good and righteous people have struggled with the same problems in the same way as you and I, and knowing that brings hope and healing.

We can never normalize the sins to make them acceptable. We can never make it casual and therefore ok. That would be wrong and we all know the world has already normalized masturbation and justified it entirely. That is the poison of the adversary.

Experience has taught me though that compassion and empathy and especially the ability to relate is powerful! Knowing that other people, many people, struggle with the same things can really, really help. That was why the Bishop shared what he did with me. It was why the Mission President I spoke about shared what he did with that missionary and then related it with that Bishop...and it was why I shared it here. I hope that makes sense.

Regardless, I hope I didn't upset you!"
posted at 11:24:51 on April 9, 2013 by Maddy
Tell us more about your mission companions....    
"How often did they do it? Did knowing they were doing it make it seem more acceptable for you to do it? You guys ever talk about it? Or just pretend like it wasn't happening?"
posted at 18:05:38 on April 11, 2013 by Anonymous
Jacob 6:7    
""For behold after ye have been nourished by the good word of God all the day long, will ye bring forth evil fruit, that ye must be hewn down and cast into the fire.""
posted at 03:42:49 on April 13, 2013 by Anonymous
"I've been in recovery for about a year, attending both SAA and the LDS recovery meetings. I've learned a lot about control, and I found it interesting that the word was used twice in the original post, "Just got back from my mission." Admitting we are powerless over our addiction and that our life is unmanageable means acknowledging it's out of our control. But when WE try to "get it under control," we're actually feeding the addiction. The 12 Steps teach us how to let go of control, and how to surrender the problem to God by admitting we can't NOT do our acting out behaviors without the enabling power of the Savior to help us abstain. We then learn how to humble ourselves and become ready to ask for the desire to act out to be removed from us, and replaced with charity, the pure love of Christ. God cannot remove the desire if we still want to hang onto it. Isolating oneself helps feed the addiction. Find a circle of support from people who are struggling with the same issues -- they'll help you through the Steps of growth and discovery. It comes down to willingness to go to any lengths. Whenever I don't want to do something God wants me to, I ask myself, "How badly do I want to recover?""
posted at 20:40:50 on April 13, 2013 by DebinWV
Get help now    
"I wish I had been brave enough to attend a few meetings when I was 22 and met with a bishop about this for the first time. I'm 27 now, and I feel like I've missed my opportunity to find the kind of girl I always hoped I'd marry.

It's worth it to get it taken care of. Imagine talking to a girl's father. He's GOING to ask about porn. You can say you took care of it, went to meetings to make sure you were able to learn how to manage it, and he can relax. Don't hide it.

Seriously. I blew it. I'm probably going to be alone for the rest of my life. Don't make my mistake.

(And for the record, I went my whole mission without masturbating, so it wasn't like I couldn't control myself - at least for a time. You HAVE to be willing to face this thing head on and rob it of its power.)"
posted at 00:35:44 on April 16, 2013 by johnroberts
If your girlfriend's father asks about porn....    
"then turn around and run the other way. Seriously - if a future father-in-law is going to stick his nose into your business about stuff like this, can you imagine the stuff he is going to ask you AFTER you marry his daughter. Move along...."
posted at 13:51:26 on April 16, 2013 by Anonymous
"Don't asume that because you're 27 and struggling that you'll always be single. There are good women out there that wouldn't rule you out because of those two things. Just keep working to be the kind of person you want to be.

posted at 13:59:58 on April 16, 2013 by dstanley
Ditto: Dont get to down on yourself    
"I went my whole mission then right before I left I did it once, I felt horrible. So I told my mission president, he just laughed, and said "Son thats the least of my worries"

This is difficult of LDS to handle, its either good or bad and if its bad its like really bad especially if its dealing with anything sexual. Now if your doing this everyday, yeah you need to find a way to disrupt the cycle. But if this happens only occasionally I would not guilt yourself into depression over it. Men tend to have raging hormones you just need to "Bridle them""
posted at 09:48:32 on May 1, 2013 by Homeward

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"If, through our unrighteous choices, we have lost our footing on that path, we must remember the agency we were given, agency we may choose to exercise again. I speak especially to those overcome by the thick darkness of addiction. If you have fallen into destructive, addictive behaviors, you may feel that you are spiritually in a black hole. As with the real black holes in space, it may seem all but impossible for light to penetrate to where you are. How do you escape? I testify the only way is through the very agency you exercised so valiantly in your premortal life, the agency that the adversary cannot take away without your yielding it to him. "

— Robert D. Hales

General Conference, April 2006