Questions about Repentance Proccess and Sexual Transgressions
By thea1r
3/19/2013 11:45:24 PM
I have had an issue with masturbation and pornography. When I was twelve and curious I began exploring, and starting feeling, and did what felt "good" to me. I did not know this was masturbation at the time, but later when I found out I tried to stop, but I couldnt. It was around this time I began viewing pornography. For the past 6 years of my life I have been on and off masturbating and viewing pornography. How serious is all of this. I have recently stopped once again and trying to get my life back on the straight and narrow, and have recently recieved a mission call. A lot of responses to others have been to see the bishop. How severe is the repentance process for this? will this not allow me to go to the temple and on a mission? I've heard it can postpone these two, how long does it prevent you from doing these? any help and or advice is much appreciated.


Same boat    
"I'm 18. Haven't done the papers thing because I'm waiting. Porn is my issue and I feel like poop.

Ok I have to give you a heads up on this site THEA1R. This site has a wiiiiiiide range of people. From the 13 year old who is freaking out about masturbating to an old guy that chats with teens every night. You dont even know man... Anyway, Anyway the reason I say that is because each of us will have a different perspective on what we will tell you.

A guy that has been addicted to porn for 30 years might say, "I was in your spot at that age. I did a lot of things with girls and I can attribute that to my porn because it poisoned my mind." Or another person with a history of addiction might say "The chances of you dropping your addiction is pretty low. You'll probably have that "thorn" for the rest of your life." And some others might say, "You're addicted! No matter what your addicted and sin is sin."

Idk, you will hear some random things, if people comment. Sometimes they dont....

So I will tell you where I am coming from. I started looking at real porn 1.5 years ago when I was 16. But that didnt just happen. I started masturbating @12 and the guilt I felt for that was extremely heavy on my shoulders. It made me kind of depressed for a while. I tried so hard to stop but couldn't. And then one day I saw on Wikipedia that masturbation was against the law of chastity. That was one of the worst days of my life. I essentially became inactive because I felt unworthy, for masturbating of all things!!!

But, my curiosity in the subject was so much that I searched things and my wall of defense was breaking until I finally looked up photos, and then from there things quickly went downhill.

I'm 18. I'm in the same position as you and we have similar thoughts. I hope understanding where I'm coming from will help you.

Ok so, I'm assuming your not from Utah or southern Idaho because bishops as pretty hard questions like masturbation and porn. Dont ever tell anyone online your name, address, or anything. We dont need it. Anyway, this means that he probably never confronted you on porn, or you couldn't tell him.

So the bishop hasn't given you perspective on the dangers of pornography. Porn destroys the spirit and can become addictive. This will give you bad habits and give you low self esteem, as far as the gospel goes. What kind of effects have you seen?

As far as official stuff, you can't go to the temple if you are still having issues with porn. You can NOT. When I told my bishop in a temple interview, I died a little when he said I couldn't. I never thought I would hear that. Therefore, you can't go on a mission. I can't either.

Dont let that discourage you because you CAN pass this challenge. But you need the bishops guidance. He'll help you so much, especially where you want to go on a mission which is amazing.

Please do me a favor and watch this video: Its called "Stay Within the Lines" by Mormon Messages
posted at 00:22:25 on March 20, 2013 by mint
"I agree with Mint. You should see the Bishop and get his guidance. He WILL help you. He wants you to go on a mission, too, if possible.

Your Bishop knows you are a teenage boy. I don't care what calling you have or how perfect you appear to everyone, your Bishop does not expect you to be perfect. These problems will not shock him, and he will NOT think any less of you, although he will be sad you struggle with this, since it will cause you sorrow and feelings of guilt. He doesn't want that for you.

When you see him, choose to confess everything with complete honesty. Tell him how long you have been struggling and when the last time was. He may recommend that you attend meetings or get other help. Follow his counsel.

If you continue to seek to serve Jesus, there will come a day (sooner rather than later) when you will be glad you were completely honest in your confession and you followed your Bishop's counsel, even if it's hard. Think of it as taking your very best lamb and offering it on the altar for God. It's not easy, but it's the right thing to do.

If you do not confess these problems to your Bishop before your mission, or if you are not completely honest with him, or if you do not follow his counsel, there will come a day when your feelings of guilt and regret will be overwhelming. That's not fun. Who wants that?

TheA1r, my friend, you can still serve a wonderful mission. Jesus can release you from these problems. He can free you from your guilt. He can make you clean, make your mind pure, and change your unrighteous desires. But the trick is that only HE can do this. You can't. So, take your challenges to His servant. Be completely honest, and be willing to do whatever it takes to be clean, even if it's a little embarrassing. (Just remember, no one expects you to be perfect, so the embarrassment will wear off.)

Good luck! I will pray for you now."
posted at 03:26:55 on March 20, 2013 by beclean
"I have seen a lot of Bishops in my life. The first Bishop (who funny enough is now a GA) I spoke to about having "unclean thoughts" (I hadn't discovered p&m yet) was when I was 14yo. Since they I have spoken to six Bishops about p&m issues over the years. Some have been fantastic (on of them should probably be a GA) to terrible ("Just stop doing it!!!") where I felt worse leaving the office than when I came in. Its a crap shoot. I hope you have a good Bishop. Do you respect him? Does he respect others but most importantly does he have the spirit? If so, you should talk to him. If not, I would go to another ward. That's what I did once. That's hard to do especially in Utah but you gotta do what you gotta do. When I spoke to a Bishop (Bishop number #2 that is) before my mission, he just smiled and short of putting his arm around me he told me everything would be fine and gave me some wonderful counsel. I left feeling that I could do it, that I could get it under control. I was able to quit and stayed clean throughout my mission."
posted at 10:56:09 on March 20, 2013 by stayingclean
No fear    
"You are seeking. You are reaching to be clean. Calm your heart and your mind and keep going. You are scared and you are questioning what will happen, but you are doing the right thing. Start there.

I would love to answer your question about how serious the repentance process is, but there isn't really a way to answer to that. The Bishop will try to help you understand how these mistakes relate to the Atonement and how to help you turn even more to the Savior.

Don't resist. Be humble. Don't worry about the process or the cost. If he asks you to not take the sacrament, believe that it is for your BENIFIT. If he asks you to postpone your mission believe that it is what is for the best. Don't worry. All these things will make you a better missionary, husband, father, person in the end. At least they will if you let them.

Don't postpone. Don't hide ANYTHING. Just purge and get the help you need to change your life. It is worth it. I promise. And just so you know, there is nothing you have done that he hasn't heard on some level before. You can't shock your Bishop.

You can do this!! Don't be afraid. It is hard but such a spiritual process to repent. Just give yourself over to it completely."
posted at 13:41:50 on March 20, 2013 by maddy
no one expects you to be perfect...    
"get the secrets out. .then you will start to heal"
posted at 14:52:53 on March 20, 2013 by Anonymous
I was going to ignore this, but...    
"Kick_It and I disagree on this a little, so I keep feeling like you need to know there are different view points.

We aren't perfect, and if we wait around and don't do anything we are supposed to do (like go on a mission or marry in the temple) because we are waiting to become perfect, then we will never do anything we are supposed to do.

In my opinion I could apply the phrase, "If you can't beat it before your mission, don't go," to any part of life, and I think it's a bad rule, because I don't believe we need to "beat" all of our sins before we take the next righteous step in our life.

So, my OPINION is that you just need to do exactly what Maddy said and be completely honest and humble with your Bishop. If you don't hide anything from him, and he says you are worthy to serve a mission, then GO, even if you aren't 100% certain you will never masturbate again.

The same applies when you are about to marry. If you are completely honest about your struggles with your fiancee AND your Bishop, and both of them are saying GO FORWARD, then don't let your possible addiction stop you from moving forward.

The key is honesty with yourself, your Bishop, and your fiancee. If you are in any way deceitful about your problems, that is the worst thing, and you should not move forward.

Why do I feel that we should move forward, even if we may not have overcome our addictions?

1) Because we aren't perfect, and we don't have to be.
2) Because we are our own harshest judge, so we may be the last person to admit that we HAVE, in fact, overcome the problem.
3) Because I'm not certain we can ever say with perfect certainty that we have overcome our addiction...until we're dead, so if we wait until we have overcome before we do anything right, we'll have to wait until we are dead.
4) Because the Bishop is the judge in Israel, not you or me, and if we have given him the whole truth, then we should be able to trust his inspiration when he says we are worthy to serve."
posted at 00:33:35 on March 21, 2013 by BeClean

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