Please help! I don't want to hurt her again.
By David
1/2/2013 11:13:27 PM
Please just give me advice on how to stop 2 people who are both LDS, but want what they shouldn't have from each other. We're both addicts, and we both went too far yesterday.

A short summery for now: I have been addicted for 15 years. I'm 19. I found pornography while walking home from school one day. I found masturbation by trying to climb a pole on a playground faster than another kid. I was clean for a month and a half before yesterday. I hate my actions. I refuse to let myself hate myself, but I want to.

EDIT: Okay, I felt the need to clarify on some things. We are both still virgins, we did not go that far, but we have touched each other inappropriately.

I have Spoken to my bishop in the past, but for the past month he has been in the hospital, or home resting, because he went in for surgery. So right now, I can't talk to him, though I plan to as soon as he is able.


Meetings help    
"Here is how you can find some meetings:"
posted at 03:04:43 on January 4, 2013 by Anonymous
Be open    
"Hey David,
First thing first, you and your gf need to talk to someone - if it's not the bishop then one of his counselors. You both need to be accountable to someone for your actions.

I'd also suggest attending meetings like the above user.

You're in a difficult situation with both of you having these issues. I'd say you need some boundaries, but I'm sure you've already got some rules you're having a hard time keeping. Setting rules and boundaries are good, but even the best person will make an excuse to break any boundary at some point. Set some good rules that you both commit to follow, follow up with someone (parent, bishop, someone from group) nightly with your rules.

Rules also MUST have a spiritual foundation, they can't be based on your resolve because the addict's resolve is faulty. base them on God and in faith in God, and do what is necessary to connect with him daily and sacrifice your will to him daily.

Good luck with attending group and working through the 12 steps."
posted at 12:11:59 on January 4, 2013 by recovery.gdo
Top rule    
"One more thought.

Top rule - NEVER be alone together. Never. Not even you think you'll be ok. Not just for a minute. Not ever. It's inconvenient sometimes, but you need to do what you need to do. Set that rule and never go back on it and you should stop a lot of things before they begin to escalate."
posted at 12:14:25 on January 4, 2013 by recovery.gdo
kick it    
"I know you are familiar with addiction. How familiar are you with the recovery program, 12 step, and the people in it? I'm just curious. Although I find your faith (in blessings etc) envyable and perhaps fundamentally accurate for me and most people i know in the program, de facto, it (the "read, pray, get a blessing and, serve more" prescription) hasn't proved as effective as I think we'd all like/wish. Most of us have had tons of blessing. God only knows but I think when I received them I was as humble as I could be. Many I received as a lad. And I never felt the "edge of the compulsion taken off". Most of us have read more Scriptures than most people. Most of us have met with several Bishops. Most of us have tried serving harder and doing more and fasting longer. And yet, here we are. I think it's good, the idea of getting rid of "unclean spirits". I just think prudence in the case of an addict and how he goes about riding himself of his bedevilments is advisable. Especially for young people.

I don't mean to argue or split hairs. Maybe I'm just projecting my own experience/problems and cringe a little when I hear in effect "read, pray, serve and, get a blessing" because I think there is more (or perhaps less) to it than that. At least for me. If that was the answer for me I know I would have been healed and whole a long time ago. Again, maybe thats just me."
posted at 02:08:30 on January 5, 2013 by they_speak
"Advice on how to stop. Hmm, that's a tough one. How do you stop a speeding freight train in it's tracks with nothing more than your own puny arms to stretch forth? Dude, honestly, when I was your age the only thing I could do was stay away from the gals. Before my mission I'm convinced the Lord gave me a bunch of friends that just didn't really hang out with girls, at all. We'd just skateboard and play basketball and listen to music and throw water balloons at cars...all day. Had I not become friends with these cats who didn't hang out with girls (to this day I don't know why. they're all normal and married now) I don't think I would have made it on a mission. I'm not saying that's your course but it worked for me. Plus, if you really are an 19 you have enough life ahead of you and enough personal shit to work through anyway...what harm could putting the babes on the back burner do anyway? Just a thought.

Aside from that bruh, remember, you're normal. There's nothing wrong with you. You've probably heard that line of platitude a million times but it's still true. I just noticed you say you "want what [you] shouldn't have". You sound frantic. Are you? Frantic is never good for an addict. In my experience frantic is the furthest thing from faith. What's the cause of your fretting? Only you can answer that. It's an interesting thing to me that ironically the forbiddeness of a thing can be a greater lure than the actual thing itself. Be careful when considering things you "shouldn't have" that you are not compounding the problem. What you resist persists. Have you ever seen a big pink elephant before? DON'T think about a big pink elephant. Oop, you just thought about a big pink elephant didn't you? Maybe you even heard one. You probably saw pink. That's bad too. Don't think about the color pink. You see? Nothing wrong with an pink elephant. Until you try not thinking about one. Deep breath. Let go and let God. Ya dig? Hope that makes sense."
posted at 04:38:38 on January 5, 2013 by they_speak
Do you think    
"... someone could pray in the same way and get the same results?"
posted at 23:16:29 on January 5, 2013 by they_speak
White Book    
"There is a section on getting rid of lust. One of the tips, if I remember correctly, is to command it away. I've tried this, and it seems helpful."
posted at 02:44:43 on January 6, 2013 by G1rlie
"The other day, I asked my hubs for a blessing. In it, he said that the things that were botheting me would dwell in a place not inside of me. Did he cast something out? I dunno. But I've been feeling much better...more sober."
posted at 06:24:53 on January 6, 2013 by G1rlie
Kick it...    
"So how long has it been that these compulsions are gone?"
posted at 21:22:10 on January 6, 2013 by Anonymous
"I wondered the same thing. How long?"
posted at 00:06:51 on January 7, 2013 by they_speak
Unclean spirits    
"Interesting to read about devils being cast out. I have cast an evil spirit or spirits (I do not know if it was one or more) out of a house in the name of Jesus Christ with the help of other priesthood holders.

An unusual experience then happened. I drove to a car wash and could feel an evil spirit next to me. Then it left for a time but returned. It then seemed something was trying to torment me in my life for the next several days. It would try to provoke me to anger and get me upset. Looking back on it now I should have just prayed that the LORD would cast away this wicked spirit. I know the power of the LORD is far greater than the power of demons."
posted at 00:54:09 on January 7, 2013 by Anonymous
Thank You    
"I have Spoken to my bishop, and She sees her bishop tomorrow. I'll do my best to use what you have all said to help us both. My bishop made a deal with me. He was a convert, and because of this, hes never gotten a patriarchal blessing. He said that if I can become clean enough to get my patriarchal blessing, then he'll get his. I plan to make this happen with the next 2 months. I have to believe I can do this, because I know its possible. I just have to keep going."
posted at 00:01:26 on January 8, 2013 by David
I guess its over now...    
"Well, I saw it coming. She decided it was better we just stay friends. It's probably better this way. I just hope the sadness brought on by it won't cause me any more issues."
posted at 17:27:16 on January 9, 2013 by David
"David, it may be painful for awhile. But it will get easier. Promise. I know from experience. There are things you can do to heal. Service is one of these things. For real. I know from experience."
posted at 21:37:17 on January 9, 2013 by G1rlie

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"Are you battling a demon of addiction—tobacco or drugs, or the pernicious contemporary plague of ography? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: "I do know," he says, "that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."

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General Conference, April 2006