Checking in
By g1rlie
11/25/2012 5:00:35 PM
This past week has been really, really difficult. And painful. Yet, I've maintained zero contact with Greg. Previously, I deactivated my email accounts, and I blocked Greg from Facebook. In addition, I changed my phone number. It's really painful not having contact with him. The pain, in the past, was too much for me to bear, so I got back in touch with him. This time, even though the pain is great, I've been able to bear it somehow. And the pain and misery now is worth it because I realize I need to overcome my addiction in order to be happy. Life as my addict is really no life at all.

So, what is the difference? What has changed to enable me to bear this burden?

Maybe I've learned some things. To me, it seems I've learned how to let God in so He can help me. Before, it seems I didn't even know how to pray properly. Now, I've learned how crucial it is to say, "Thy will be done" in my prayers. Also, I've learned why God wasn't helping me before. It was because by my thoughts, words, and actions, I had driven the Spirit of God out of my life. The Spirit of God is very sensitive and these things can drive the Spirit away. When I learn to invite the Spirit into my life, I get strength and my own spirit is refined.

So, what have I been doing to invite the Spirit into my life? For one, I realized that unlike the beasts of the earth, I am self-willed. And my will is the one thing that is uniquely mine to give to God. Anything else I can possibly give to God is already His--except for my will. But, when I surrender my will to His will, now, I get a competent pilot for my life. Clearly, to me, when I run my own life and do things my own way, well, I'm just not a very good pilot. Don't know what way to even go on my own.

In SA and in church, I've learned How to surrender--the actions required to surrender, realizing that faith precedes the miracle and faith means action (at least that's what I've learned from listening to all of these General Conferences and BYU and CES devotionals I've been listening to). What actions have I learned?

I've learned that service heals. We are His hands and feet upon the earth. We are to serve His children. So, I've been doing genealogical indexing. But even more important than that, I realize that I am a wife, a mother, and a daughter, so I can perform service to others within these roles of mine. I've been helping my children more. I've been going on dates with my husband and doing nice things for him.

Moreover, I've learned that gratitude minimizes lust and is a form of surrender. Therefore, I've started a gratitude journal. And I've been writing letters of love and gratitude to my husband. He seems very happy about this. :) I've also been making sure to say thank you to people and to God more often. Even, I've been saying thank you to God for my trials and my weaknesses, because I realize these are also a blessing.

So, I feel like I'm making real progress. At this point, I have no idea when I will be permitted to take the sacrament again or to possess a temple recommend again. But I'm making progress. Gonna keep going down this road. But, I realize if I'm not watchful, I could easily fall into that ditch by the side of the road that I've recently crawled out of.


So proud of you, Girlie!!!!    
"Keep up the good fight!"
posted at 19:26:45 on November 25, 2012 by Anonymous
"It's really hard. But I'm getting there."
posted at 13:09:42 on November 26, 2012 by g1rlie

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***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball