trying to understand
By Hurt
11/2/2012 3:38:59 PM
Hello, I'm trying to figure out on where I went wrong and why. You see I'm 31 old female and I'm a member of the LDS Church. However, I became inactive for at least four years. I have many members telling me to come back to Church, I tell them the same old thing I will come back. HA HA yeah right, I haven't been back. I'm trying to pray to Our Heavenly Father, but I just feel so lost and more confused. I thought I could quit drinking and I did for three years, well that is because I was arrested and I was put on probation. Actually, to tell you the truth that was the best thing that ever happened to me. Being on probation actually made me stop drinking. Know I'm having a hard time, and I keep the drinking a secret I don't tell anyone that I'm drinking, and I keep it to myself. I'm afraid to talk to the Bishop because see I moved. I was living in CT when all this had happened, and know I'm moved to Palmer mass.

Know I have a new Bishop and I don't even know his name. I don't even think that its a good idea to talk to a new Bishop because he don't know me, and I don't know him. I've been dealing with a lot of problems , I've keeping the problems to myself. I don't want to bother the Bishop with my problems when he is a very busy man.

I know that drinking is wrong, but I find it helpful to sleep. Drinking don't give rid of your problems, and I know that but, it does make me feel calmer. The biggest reason why I'm having a hard time going back to Church is because I'm angry with Our Heavenly Father. I was just wondering if you all can pray for me. Thank you and God Bless you all


"6 years ago I was in your same boat, except alcohol is not my drug of choice. I had been inactive since I was 14 and went back when I was 23, but wasn't really active. 2006, I got a new Bishop and a few months later my mom passed away. I turned straight back to my addiction and I was done.

I had a wonderful Bishop, who I wouldn't even give the time of day for I was mad he was called and didn't' care for him, but what happened is I fell in love with his little ones. Through his kids, HF showed me my Bishop was an answer to a prayer......I wasn't even saying. For the first time in my life, I decided to trust a man and a man of God who is here to help those willing to do the work.

It may not be easy to reach out and trust, but it is worth it. Also find a 12 step meeting or an AA meeting to start finding people to support you.

You are worth it!"
posted at 20:25:04 on November 2, 2012 by rachp
for your own self interest...    
"you may want to remove the names of the cities in your blog. there should be an edit button in the lower corner of your entry."
posted at 21:27:24 on November 2, 2012 by ETTE
I'm glad you're here.    
"We all have to start our journey somewhere. I'm glad it's here. I know how hard it is to struggle with addictions, desires and hellish living. I have had plenty of nights with drugs, alcohol, pornography, and so much more.

I was visiting a friend in DC one weekend. I took a bus down to DC and was in a museum when I was triggered by some erotic art on the walls. I tried to get out of the museum but I was overcome and it felt as if my brain wasn't functioning properly. I was overcome by a feeling of mania. I wandered the city in a manic state, pacing around a lot. This lasted for the rest of the night. By the end of the night I was binging on pornography on my friend's couch just under the nose of his wife.

The next day I awoke early, removed my Garments and took the bus down to DC. The next two days were filled with lust, acting out, drinking, lusting, acting out and more. I never called my friend and let him know where I was or what I was doing. I avoided his phone calls. The next morning I woke up in a strange house. I took a cab downtown and continued on this bender. This was a Saturday. On Saturday night I called my friend. He came and got me. He suffers from the same addiction. His wife was understandably upset. The next morning he had to work and I went to Church with her.

As I sat there on the lawn, mulling over my destruction God sent me two angels. They were the kindest women I've ever met. They were beautiful and one woman invited me to sit with her and her daughters. They were a beautiful family.

When I got back to my hometown I started to attend a new Ward. The Bishop had an awkward disposition when it came to meeting new people. We had nothing in common. Two weeks went by and he had only shaken my hand when someone pointed me out to him. A month and a half later he would be released. By the 3rd Sunday I had made an appointment. I sat down, introduced myself to him and proceeded to tell him everything I had done.

When I got done he took a deep breath and said, "Well, that's a lot for a Bishop to take in." Was this the right response? No, but it doesn't matter to me who the Bishop is. He is who the Lord wants me to speak to. He is the Lord's imperfect but well meaning servant. The Lord already knows what you have been doing. He loves you and will always love you. The Bishop can think what he wants. It is the Lord who we come to. It is the Lord who we listen to. If the Lord wanted me to talk to the Queen of England and confess my sins in front of Parliament I would do it.

All that matters is that you are right with the Lord. Follow the road that will get you there no matter where it takes you. The Lord loves you. I have love for you because my heart goes out to you. Is it narcissistic love if I love you because I can see myself in your struggles ;)

Good luck. Come out of hiding. I am still dealing with my addiction and have the longest road to go. God bless and good luck to you and to me and to everyone on here!"
posted at 11:17:19 on November 30, 2012 by SimonLeper
Prayers sent up!    
"You can do this!"
posted at 14:38:53 on December 1, 2012 by g1rlie
root of problem    
"I am in your boat, and say get close to someone even if you don't tell them everything. It is my experience that you have someone close that will not judge, but that is willing to help. You have to have a desire to be better. The people close to you don't understand, however if you want help, they will. you have to admit there is a problem."
posted at 12:31:57 on February 8, 2013 by Dbl d

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" Is it possible to reclaim a life that through reckless abandon has become so strewn with garbage that it appears that the person is unforgivable? Or what about the one who is making an honest effort but has fallen back into sin so many times that he feels that there is no possible way to break the seemingly endless pattern? Or what about the person who has changed his life but just can't forgive himself?The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us. His Atonement is infinite. It applies to everyone, even you. It can clean, reclaim, and sanctify even you. That is what infinite means—total, complete, all, forever. "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006