Okay, I'm gonna do it....
By g1rlie
11/1/2012 1:41:55 PM
I'm going to bury my weapons of rebellion. Going to shun technology. On Sunday, I'm giving my husband my phone and my computer. He's going to take these things apart and hide the pieces. Because, most likely, I will go looking for these things. And, I'm asking him to also take the video cable away from the computer upstairs until the kiddos get home from school. So the video cable will be gone from the computer upstairs when I get home from work every day so I will be unable to use the computer.

Gotta find a way to cut off All connections to my past. Right now, I'm too fragile to handle access to email or a cell phone (which also has access to email). When I'm ready to get these things back, IF I am ever ready, I will change my phone number and change my email address. But now, I cannot handle technology. Too spiritually and emotionally fragile. And very triggery.

Getting desperate because there has been some email and cell phone contact between me and Greg. I Must find a way to stop this in a way that works for me. It's a matter of life and death. It will feel like death, cutting off All connections to him, but I need to do this so I can truly live. Right now, I'm feeling kind of dead inside. It is no way to live.


This might all sound silly but....    
"Seriously, I am so impulsive. Extremely impulsive. The things I have done without even thinking about it beforehand--like taking an entire bottle of pills....

Somehow, I figure this difficulty with impulse control is linked to my head injuries. It is my understanding that impulse control is difficult for those who have damage to their frontal lobe.

So, I'm finding workarounds. I figure, God did not send me here to fail. I'm convinced there is a way and there is an escape. Determined to find the escape."
posted at 14:35:38 on November 1, 2012 by g1rlie
I think it's great...    
"You are realizing that you cant do it alone.. huge step! And you are getting husband to help.
I can imagine how hard it is to give up your email address and phone number. hopefully your current program works. If it doesn't, you already know what the next step is.

you are going to win this war. It's going to take time.

Do you think your problem is just addiction to Greg? Or is it more? If Greg is gone, would it be in your nature to replace Greg with new person?

I read a book once about modern lepers and people with nerve disorders. The leprosy damages their nerves and they get sores or hurt themselves and don't realize it. The damage causes those parts to be cut off.

Because of this, they don't realize when they hurt themselves.. They have to learn self inspection -- Every new hours, they have to inspect all their fingers, toes, arms, etc looking for sores or bruises or damage.

I think addicts are the same way.. we forget how to make decisions and we justify and weasel out of everything. We have to methodically chart our progress and decisions to make sure we don't have any new compulsions or damage.

good luck to you!"
posted at 15:48:20 on November 1, 2012 by Hurtallover
It is partially to Greg    
"But this is not my first affair. I had an emotional affair, previously. But, luckily, not too many people really trigger me. With this Greg situation, I've learned what to do if someone Does trigger me badly. I need to change jobs. Change shifts. Change buildings. And in changing jobs, I can change my job and still work for the same organization. D Day for giving these things up is Sunday. That way, I can download a boatload of General Conference talks and BYU Broadcasting Talks and put them on my husband's Zune so I can listen to them. Oh. I'll put the scriptures there, also. I figure the Spirit of God is sensitive. I've spent so much time driving Him away. I need to invite Him back.

Yeah, already shunned TV, mainstream magazines (all of them including Newsweek), and mainstream music. I've learned that I am extra sensitive. Maybe others can handle these things, but I cannot. Oh, well.

I still plan on using the computer sometimes. Maybe when husband is around. But I've found that I really cannot handle it."
posted at 20:32:28 on November 1, 2012 by g1rlie
go, go, go    
"GOOOOOOOO!!! DO it! So proud of you for turning over what is stopping progress!"
posted at 20:26:10 on November 2, 2012 by rachp
atta girl    
"proud of u girlie!!!
wish u all the best in this"
posted at 10:52:53 on November 3, 2012 by skyteamst90
Thanks :)    
"This seems to be working pretty well, with my husband keeping the sim card for my phone. I can't email Greg while I'm at work. And he can't call me now. Plus, it helps that I moved my computer upstairs. This way, if I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of him, I have a little more time to think before I send him that email. Knowing I have difficulty with impulse control (maybe from my head injuries), having the computer upstairs means I have to get my tired but out of bed, walk up the stairs, and log onto my computer in order to email Greg. Before, the computer was by my bed, so it was a lot easier. Having more time to reconsider emailing him prevented me from emailing Greg last night when he was working.

I'm getting there slowly, but surely. Feeling hopeful."
posted at 11:55:17 on November 5, 2012 by g1rlie

Add a Comment:

***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990