By g1rlie
9/24/2012 4:20:58 AM
Husband and I went to an SA retreat this weekend. Luckily, one of the topics there was sex. I was so grateful for this because it's something I've been wondering about for awhile...wondering, "Do I have to abstain from sex for a period of time?" "How do I have enjoyable non-lust sex?" "How do I make sex okay for my husband since I've had it with someone else?"

And I've been thinking about sex with lust vs. sex without lust.

In Sexaholics Anonymous, we admit we are powerless over LUST in Step 1. We do not admit we are powerless over sex....

Some people do go for a period without sex. ODDLY, some people's spouses are totally okay with this. I say oddly, because being okay with going without sex is a foreign thing for me to think about. I, personally, don't like the idea At All. Luckily, I've been accumulating sobriety and I am able to begin to enjoy sex without lust. Also, luckily, my husband does not want to abstain from sex for a time period. :D

Years ago, I learned how to have sex without lust and how to enjoy this type of sex. Lust has been a problem with me for a very long time. And not long after my honeymoon, I started to think about other people when I was having sex with my husband. Yes, it's wrong. But I learned how to not do that. It took a few years, though. I'd learned some things that were repeated in my SA retreat on how to have sex without lust. I'll tell you what I learned:

1) It really helps to pray before sex. It may sound odd, but it's true.
2) Be sensitive about the amount of sex your partner wants to have.
3) Watch your thoughts during sex

Somehow, I've learned to think about Nothing during sex. For reals.

Sex with lust feels like some sort of wonderful drug. But, I've noticed it does not satisfy at all. Yes, I can have orgasms with this type of sex. But, instead of feeling satisfied, I just feel hungrier for more. The craving increases. And I can't just stop on my strength alone. But this wonderful drug leaves me feeling horrible afterwards. Depressed. Painful. Wishing for death at times.

Sex with love....Well, I can actually fall asleep afterwards. It is...satisfying. And it feels good, unlike sex with lust which feels unnaturally good like a drug and then you crash afterwards.

As for Greg, I am actually mostly over him emotionally. Things that have helped me is a little time, self hypnosis recordings, and tapping and EFT. My body still craves him sometimes, and my heart still misses him sometimes. But not too often. It's getting so much better.

These thoughts are mine alone.


Wow, Girlie!    
"Nice going! You are doing awesome! And great information on this post. Thanks!"
posted at 08:35:22 on September 24, 2012 by Anonymous
keep it together    
"k.i.t...keep it together....

youre doing good girlie!!!
13 days right?"
posted at 00:21:42 on September 28, 2012 by skyteamst90
Still sober...    
"It's a struggle every day. Last night at work I said the Lords' Prayer probably hundreds of times. I think, I hope it helped. Don't know, though. Oh, well.

Thanks for the encouragement, guys :)"
posted at 13:40:52 on September 29, 2012 by g1rlie
Good to hear    
"I messed up, feel so bad, but reading comments like those, G1RLIE, helps give me strength to try again. Thanks for all other supportive comments i've seen also, I love the gospel, I love the support and attention that is out there if we open our hearts to it. I'm going to try and be more supportive also, in doing so, hope it helps me find the support I need as well."
posted at 01:41:06 on October 2, 2012 by LDS_BROTHER
Good News    
"I am personally on day 79 since I have indulged in sexual transgression.

It sounds to me Girlie that you are emerging from a long night of spiritual darkness into the glorious light of Christ. I have prayed for you in the past and I find joy in seeing that you are breaking the chains of slavery that once held you with the power of God."
posted at 07:11:40 on October 2, 2012 by Anonymous

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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
  • Choose to Be Alive
  • Choose to Believe
  • Choose to Change
  • Choose to Be Different
  • Choose to Exercise
  • Choose to Be Free "

    — Russell M. Nelson

    General Conference, October 1988