I'm so sick, Infected with where I live Let me live without this Empty bliss, Selfishness I'm so sick
By taintedlove
9/4/2012 7:29:29 PM
I was doing well earlier this year. I was. Now I'm tired and aching. I want to die. I want to take a gun to my head and shoot myself. I don't want to live. I can't handle it anymore.


"Call someone. Anyone. I have been where you are right now but for different reasons. This is your cry for help, but, no one on this site can reach you in the personal way you need right now. Remember where these thoughts are coming from. Satan! Dismiss the devil and his angels and his darts of fire that are piercing your very soul to destroy you. Call out for your Savior, he will not leave you alone. YOU are not your addiction. Do not let it define you. I pray for you ."
posted at 20:11:57 on September 4, 2012 by Hero
It will pass...    
"but you have to hang on and keep trudging. Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Things WILL get better again. Breathe. Give it another day."
posted at 20:40:24 on September 4, 2012 by Anonymous
sponsor? accountibility partner? friend in the program?    
"These are times to call someone that can validate you."
posted at 22:11:58 on September 4, 2012 by Anonymous
Call someone!    
"I'm with Hero on this... get in the phone and call someone! Satan is a buttface. Flick boogars at him and stop listening to him! Prayers sent up!"
posted at 22:33:40 on September 4, 2012 by siouxsie
"I agree with Hero "you are not your addiction". And might I add you are not your frustration or depression. Can I tell you a story? I'll try to make it short (this is helping me not go to a strip club so thanks for letting me ramble). Recently I was at a meditation retreat that lasted 10 days. For that duration we sat for ten and half hours a day in mediation. Pure focus. As you may see from my blog tonight focus has never been easy for me. One may think it a small deal but for me, coming from a family where education is everything and being a but a lad who only wanted to make his single mom happy, it was a huge deal. It was survival. I also feel it plays heavily on my addiction if I'm unable to focus enough to use the tools of recovery (including meditation)...i'm hosed. Well, for 10 days I had to face off with this very real demon. I got super depressed. I genuinely believed death was the only answer. I was going to destroy the edifice of my woes and be done. I found myself laying in woods utterly hopeless, dejected and self loathing when my mind caught hold of 2 principles taught by the Buddha. Anicca (uh-knee-cha) and anatta (uh-not-uh). Impermanence and the idea of no-self. He taught that all things were impermanent (as did the apostle Paul and Jesus etc) and that those impermanent things perceived by the senses (including the mind) were not you or the "I" or "mine" and therefore should not be clung to. I realized with stark feeling that the depression I was experiencing was NOT me nor was it permanent. Though it truly felt like it. I made a choice not to accept it as such. Though halting and feeble I was able at length to observe it like a storm and watch it pass. As it surely did. Soon the anguish was all but gone. It was kind of bazaar. I think for me this is becoming another important facet of step 1. I am powerless over the storm. But indeed I am not the storm. And indeed there is refuge.

You, the real you, can handle this. Satan would have you believe you can't win. But based on what I've seen from you there is just as much or more evidence to support the fact that you can't be beat. He hates you. He hates you for that. He hates me for telling you this, the truth. His hate and his lies are not you. You can choose not to believe it. Though the way to choose may vary, you can if you will.

Your own advice is to sing. I personally like to listen to the song of the natural world. The body sure can be thick vale though can't it? Sometimes a good run helps me. I hope and pray you can once again hear the Music...from within and everywhere around you."
posted at 01:50:01 on September 5, 2012 by they_speak
Do a 911 alert..    
"We will call you. I will call you. We love you."
posted at 08:44:09 on September 5, 2012 by g1rlie

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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004