Remember your disease is progressive, incurable and fatal...
By g1rlie
7/27/2012 9:01:58 AM
Yeah, my other account broke. So I had to get a different one.

I heard this in a meeting last week and I totally believe it. I've got to kill this addiction before it kills me.

Wow. I found the perfect quote on this site today:

"Lucifer will do all in his power to keep you captive. You are familiar with his strategy. He whispers: “No one will ever know.” “Just one more time.” “You can’t change; you have tried before and failed.” “It’s too late; you’ve gone too far.” Don’t let him discourage you. When you take the path that climbs, that harder path of the Savior, there are rewards along the way. When you do something right, when you resist temptation, when you meet a goal, you will feel very good about it. It is a very different kind of feeling than you have when you violate commandments—an altogether different feeling. It brings a measure of peace and comfort and provides encouragement to press on. "
— Richard G. Scott
General Conference May 1990

How many times have I told myself those lies. How many times have I actually Believed these lies! Someday, I would like to breathe the breath of a free woman.

Yeah, my life is totally insane. And my adultery partner, I feel, is totally insane. I can't believe that man actually wants to see me after I have cancelled on him so many times. Yep, he must be crazy. And I must be crazy also because I've seen him a lot of times and I still feel like I want to see him. I need to Stop the insanity. It's really hard though. It really sucks that I'm going to need to experience pain in order to change. :/ And I worry so much that my lover is suffering, also. That crazy guy has got to be an addict also.

I really feel that I love him so much....

Seriously, I think it is not going to work for me to quit my addiction because of my lover. I've been trying to find all of the things that I Don't like about him in order to break up with him. But this isn't working out so well because there are really a lot of things about him that I really love. I read somewhere that I need to quit for Myself. And I believe this. So that's what I'm trying to figure out how to do--to quit for Me.

Attributed to Thomas Edison:
"If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is often a step forward."


I have a sponsor now    
"So, I asked the gay guy in SA if he would be my sponsor. He said, "I'll try." I don't know if it will work out or not because somehow I think I would make a rather frustrating sponsee. Oh, well.

Also, in another SA group, I said this:

"I've no idea why I keep doing these things that just make me miserable. :/"

Here was the WONDERFUL response I got:

"We do these things because we have an illness called sexaholism. We are not like normal people -- we have a mental obsession with lust and s-ex, and we also have a physical allergy that causes the phenomenon of craving once we start lusting and acting out. This craving is beyond human control, and we are powerless to stop.

This realization is one of the foundational elements of recovery from sexaholism. The early alcoholics who created the 12 Step program found that this "disease model" view of their addiction was an essential part of recovery. It shifted their addiction from a moral failure to an illness. And it's a chronic illness that can be treated by the ongoing application of the 12 Step program of recovery.""
posted at 12:59:19 on July 28, 2012 by g1rlie
"Well said! And congratulations on the sponsor! Now get to work!"
posted at 18:29:25 on July 28, 2012 by Anonymous
"It is true that this craving is beyond human control, and we are powerless to stop. However the LORD will give us the strength we need to come back to His open arms. It took me years to start getting control of myself. Thank goodness the LORD is longsuffering and His grace is sufficient.

I am so glad I never got involved sexually with anyone else other than my wife. I did struggle with masturbation and pornography though. I think Satan will always try to throw that door open and pull me back into it the rest of my life. The main point is this: Never give up!! If you keep fighting, struggling and crying out to the LORD you will eventually be able to be fully cleansed thru repentance and stop breaking the law of chastity."
posted at 09:32:12 on July 29, 2012 by Anonymous
I know a way to make it stop with GM    
"I also struggle with this problem like everyone else on this site, the times that I have been able to stop for any real lenght of time was when I got caught. It is sad that it has taken being caught to bring about change, but some of us must be compelled. I have learned that most of what I though was important with my addiction was not really that important once I got caught, I would guess that GM would fade away if you were caught or if you came out and proclaimed your love for him. It is just the way things are, when it is in secret, it's fun and exciting but when everything is out in the open you have to deal with real life. I doubt that GM or you would continue this relationship very long in the open, and if in the small chance you do, think how free you will be( he could be the love of your life, LOL, sorry I should not be an ass). My guess is that if you came out about GM to your husband, bishop and family that you will get a new perspective, very painfull but needed to help you in recovery. For me, when I am acting out I lose all perspective of what I really want, I think I want the next fix but I really want peace, and that is only achieved in the open. Ask around, very few relationships started like the one you have with GM work out or last, he is just a pawn in your addiction, if not him then someone else. It will be a relief for you to be caught but it will be very painfull for everyone else. Sorry, I am not trying to judge, it's just so easy to see the solution for everyone else but I can't get the beem out of my own eye. Good luck"
posted at 19:42:57 on July 29, 2012 by Anonymous
"@Anonymous #1-Thanks :) I will get to work

@Anonymous #2-- Yeah, I wish I hadn't been with someone other than my spouse. It sucks. Yeah, I will keep fighting...

@Anonymous #3--I thought it would work, telling my husband and the bishop. I've done this multiple times. It didn't help yet. And I realize the statistics are against adultery partners. Husband has known about GM for about 2 years and he's found my secret phone and confiscated it once, he's found various emails, including emails where I told GM that I love him and also some pretty sexually suggestive emails. (I seriously have no idea why my husband even sticks around at this point) Husband even knows I've been sleeping with GM. It's really dumb that I haven't been able to stop yet. But I haven't. Hopefully the 12 steps will work for me, but I have to work the program."
posted at 07:12:08 on July 30, 2012 by G1rlie

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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988