Too long I've been starving to death and haven't died...
By Girlie
7/20/2012 9:15:39 AM
Addiction is a funny thing. To me, it feels like a hunger that can be satiated for a moment, then I feel even more starving. Starving to death! Really, this hunger is never satisfied. And it is destroying me. The lies I've told myself. The lies I've told others. The many, many, MANY times I've told myself I can stop if only (x circumstance happens). The many times I've told myself, "This is my last time." It's total insanity--doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

"For too long I've been parched of thirst and unable to quench it. Too long I've been starving to death and haven't died."
--Captain Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean

Luckily, I realize I won't actually die if I don't feed this hunger.


Enjoying more torture, er, sobriety....    
"Yeah, my secret phone fell out of my pocket at work last night, near the beginning of my shift. I looked all over the place, but was unable to find it. Boo. So I didn't get to talk to GM. Oh, well. I guess it's an opportunity to enjoy more torture, er, sobriety.....Not feeding this hunger is not going to kill me."
posted at 09:17:25 on July 20, 2012 by Girlie
how does your family deal    
"With your contact struggle? I imagine your husband feels like a pansy as you constantly talk to the man you cheater with?"
posted at 11:24:21 on July 20, 2012 by Anonymous
That's just it    
"He doesn't know.."
posted at 13:35:00 on July 20, 2012 by Girlie
"You haven't told him? Oh man, this is going to get pretty hard for him. Knowing that even when you knew what was at steak, you kept on talking to this guy, if not kept doing stuff.

I think you should think now, if I told him on my marriage was holding on by a thread, would I be doing this right now. Because believe it or not, your marriage .ight be held by only a thread."
posted at 14:01:42 on July 20, 2012 by Anonymous
"I would ignore the judgmental tone of the above anon.

You just described "addiction" perfectly! Yes, it is a hunger that can't be satisfied. The good news is that now you know you... are just like us! Sorry babe, you're an addict! There is a freedom in really "knowing" deep down in your bones, that you are in addict. Then you can finally grasp the solution! And you've already discovered the solution. Now DO it! Surrender. Throw away that fucking phone! And get a sponsor for cripes sakes!"
posted at 14:12:11 on July 20, 2012 by Anonymous
@Last Anonymous    
"Yeah, I am ignoring the previous anonymous. It's just not helpful. :)

Yeah, I lost my phone, so no need to throw it away. It's totally gone. Still looking for a sponsor."
posted at 22:29:38 on July 20, 2012 by Girlie
"you still need to be honest... which is the first step in the 12 step program. Honesty is important. Other than that, GIRLIE, I don't know who you are but I feel I know what you are capable of, I feel that you have some amazing potential. I feel that way for everyone here, but since we are being dragged down into sin and addiction, we are being held back. Something that helps me, is to imagine the people that I can help when I overcome my addiction, and how much more attuned to god I will be, having his hand to lead me and guide me. Just think about it, and remember: "If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm." - Ghandi"
posted at 00:00:39 on July 22, 2012 by geralt
Keep going    
"I believe in you Girlie! I felt the same you did several years ago. Probably sinned over 400 times and felt like a complete slave to my sexual appetite. Do not give up! That phone being lost was probably the LORD answering prayers. Pray for hope and joy in your life."
posted at 01:53:49 on July 22, 2012 by Anonymous

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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006