Which Path to Choose...
By asdfjkl1234
5/27/2012 9:18:30 PM
I haven't been on here for quite some time, and I have been doing great. In the past several weeks though, I have been tempted to look at porn and MB and I have a few times. I was really bad about a year ago, almost ready to throw in the towel and give up. Since then, things have been going well. I have not been tempted near as much and I got out of the rut.

Yesterday and today I have wandered onto porn websites for a few minutes here and there. I am having those porn cravings like CRAZY!!! I crave porn so bad that I almost can't stand it. I want to look and just indulge so bad, but I know I shouldn't. It seems at though I recently have been tempting myself and pushing the line as close as I can without fully indulging. It's so hard! I wish these cravings would go away. I know I need to read the scriptures more and pray. I pray all the time for help, but I'm weak in reading the scriptures.

It really affects me when I find out that my friends are getting divorced for one reason or another. Over the past 8 years of marriage, many of our couple friends have gotten divorced, and every time I wonder what it would be like to live alone. How much freedom would I really feel? I was thinking about that at church today. I'm afraid that if I binge on porn and MB, my wife is going to lose it and leave me with our 2 kids. This is such a hard thing to overcome. I just needed to vent for a bit. It's so hard to talk to my wife about this. She doesn't really understand where I am coming from. She tries, she does, but she just doesn't get how strong these feelings can be.

Ok I'm just looking for support. Thanks!


I hear you and feel your pain    
"It's tough for partners to "get it" unless they are in a program themselves. So often, the partners feel that it's your problem and not theirs.
They will feel better about themself once you fix your problem.
They think if he really loved me, he wouldnt act out.
12 step meetings are just full of weak people.
The list goes on.

Actually, it's really hard to live with a person in an active addiction. They are too selfish to be in a relationship. It takes a special person with strong boundaries to stay happy.

When you feel the urges, go find something else to do -- do chores, clean the garage, whatever to get your mind off it. No one has the will power to fight off the urges forever. Satan is patient.

good luck"
posted at 22:21:48 on May 27, 2012 by Anonymous
What brought you back...?    
"You were strong, you were away from the temptation, and now it is back, strong as ever.

Although I have been through the same cycles (it really stinks to have the temptation back when it's been gone for so long, doesn't it?), I believe it doesn't just come back out of nowhere like that, in my experience. There is a missing step in your description of what happened, I think.

What led you back to the temptation? Where did you let down your guard? How have your dailies been going for the past year of success? How about the music you listen to and the media you watch and read?

Your wife and children are worth so much more than that filthy crap you crave. You know that. So, I want to support you by encouraging you to redouble your efforts. Tell your wife you have been struggling with temptation, and you just wanted to tell her, in order to break the temptation cycle. Refocus on the Lord, and fill your mind and heart with him.

If you need to know what it's like to be alone, how much "freedom" you would have, read the blogs of others on this site who have recently split up with their spouse.

Doesn't sound fun to me."
posted at 16:07:04 on May 28, 2012 by BeClean
"I understand what you are feeling. You can wish for the temptation and problem to go away but it won't. You have to pray for strength to have power over it. The temptation will always be there but someday, if you continue to work at it, you will have power to ignore it. Think of Nephi when he was bound with cords by his brothers....he didn't wish to have the problem to be taken away...he prayed for strength to break the cords that bound him. Use that imagery of breaking the cords that bind you, namely a pornography addiction.
Don't get divorced if you can help it. For me, it was the real threat of divorce that opened my eyes to my addiction (with the help of an inspired bishop). But it was too late for her I suppose. Plus she had another woman to be intimate with. I wasn't needed anymore. The absolute rock bottom for me was the day I moved out. All alone, no family, no friends, I moved boxes into my truck and found a note from my 8 year old had a picture of a girl crying and it said, "Goodbye daddy. Have a good life! I'll miss you!" I fell to my knees a cried for a hour or so. I don't know that it will ever stop hurting. I don't act out anymore and have gained great power of my addiction. But the temptations are still there, especially when I'm bored or lonely or stressed or angry, etc. I'm still learning how to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. I'm still learning how to have healthy relationships. I've since remarried but it might be harder in some ways. She has her kids and her customs and I have different customs and styles. The gospel is the only thing really holding us together. Two of my children hate me. The ex wife brainwashes them. They are afraid of me and critical of me of the most trivial things. In fact, last week I had to call the police on my son because he was hitting me with his shoe and completely out of control...and all because I went to church with him. You talk about throwing in the towel? I continue to have suicidal thoughts but I think more than the despair I'm too chicken to do it. Don't think that the grass is greener on the other side. It's not. This is not the life you want. Elder Oaks said that the remedy for marital problems is not divorce, but repentance. That is truth!"
posted at 02:50:31 on May 29, 2012 by hopeful1
Don't give up    
"You are trying. Let's start there. You are a valued son of God who HE loves beyond comprehension. I wish you all the best in overcoming your struggle."
posted at 15:27:18 on May 29, 2012 by Anonymous

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"By emulating the Master, who endured temptations but “gave no heed unto them,” we, too, can live in a world filled with temptations “such as [are] common to man”. Of course Jesus noticed the tremendous temptations that came to him, but He did not process and reprocess them. Instead, He rejected them promptly. If we entertain temptations, soon they begin entertaining us! Turning these unwanted lodgers away at the doorstep of the mind is one way of giving “no heed.” Besides, these would-be lodgers are actually barbarians who, if admitted, can be evicted only with great trauma."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987