you dont know me at all
By belle18
4/30/2012 7:33:58 PM
You asked me if the reason I was struggling with my school and grades was if I was pregnant. Wow you don’t know me at all. I amazes me how much you really know about me. You haven’t taken the time to get to know me at all in my times of trial. When I am emotional you shut me out and don’t give me the support I need. When I want to talk about personal stuff you tell me you will tak to me later when im not emotionally charged. Well let me tell you, I wont tell you half the stuff I would if I was emotional compared to when im not. i cant tell you that i smoke because you will never forgive me or let me ive it down.
i havent smoked for one week today and i reall feel like going out and smoking to take all this crap away. i feel so much better when im high and dont have to deal with all this crap from my parents.


To tell you the truth    
"I have no idea what your talking about. I know you said you have a smoking addiction, but is this Post referring to us or your parents? I can see your angry but at who?"
posted at 00:14:14 on May 1, 2012 by moronidenovo
im not mad at you guys    
"im mad at my parents not at the people on this site. me and my parents have a really hard time with communication. i havent told my parents that i smoke, and i recently just went to the bishop about it and im just no ready to tell my parents yet. i have a feeling they know im doing something they dont approve of so they are trying to figure it out and im just not being open with them.i was just venting because i was very upset and i didnt want to go back to smoking. i havent smoked in a week and i feel the slightest thing will push me over the edge."
posted at 12:15:23 on May 2, 2012 by belle18
I like John07's (I think it was his) recent quote...    
"There is not problem that acting out won't make worse.

Addiction can grip us so tightly because acting out makes us feel good even when everything else in life makes us feel so bad. Parents not understanding, or worse, not trying to understand, pressure from work, no work, all makes for a very stressful life. It's no wonder acting out is so tempting, when I can provide at least a few minutes of pleasure.

But it is an illusion.

Whatever is causing the stress, whatever is dragging you down, will still be there waiting when the high fades away. You are a daughter of God. Therefore, wickedness cannot bring happiness. In the long run it only leads to loss of self-will and sorrow.

Great job coming here rather than acting out. You are on the right patch towards gaining freedom from this addiction. You and your parents are in my prayers."
posted at 14:29:40 on May 2, 2012 by Anonymous
Dear Belle    
"Fortunately here you are among friends who do understand, and the reason we do is because we have similar experiences. I remember when I was 13 holding my baby brother once and crying. The reason I was holding him was because I wanted to feel love from someone. It wasn’t the same as receiving a hug from somebody, but at least he wasn’t judging or hurting me. Neutral was better than negative.

I know it can be hard to see, but your parents do love you. If they didn’t really love you they wouldn’t be questioning you about what is wrong. It probably wasn’t an easy conversation for them either. They are learning how to be parents while you are learning how to be you. If I was going to blame my addiction on anyone besides myself, it would be my dad and our relationship. It was pretty damaging. It has been a long and twisted road, but my dad and I have a really good relationship now. I am over 50 and he is in his late 70’s. He has changed a lot, but my understanding and expectations have changed a lot too. I eventually realized that he had no idea how to be a dad. His was worse than mine. I wanted things from him that I’m not sure he could give. I don’t know if I have ever heard my dad say that he loves me. I have only received complements from him about three times and two of those were actually him saying something complimentary about me to someone else in my presence. I can remember him apologizing to me only a handful of times and all but one of those was in the last ten years. I’m not bringing all this up to say “poor me”. The problem was I desperately craved love, compliments and support from my dad and I was always looking for verbal evidence or his attendance at my sporting events. I have now learned to see how much he cares through things that he gives me or other things that he offers to do.

The other thing I will say is please don’t let your relationship with your parents damage how you think your Heavenly Parents feel about you. They aren’t practicing any more. They love you unconditionally and will do what is the very best for you.

Your Brother John"
posted at 16:12:33 on May 2, 2012 by justjohn
"wow you basically decribed exacty the way i feel. i was adopted at age three and me and my adoptive parents have just growen further and further away from eacherother since then. expecially my mom. i havent heard her tell me that she loved me in about four years. i have only wanted to feel loved by her and i dont know how to change our reationship at this point. i feel it is too late. but i know i want to change with or with out their help."
posted at 16:38:26 on May 2, 2012 by belle18
Moroni, I think she was mad at you. ;)    
"And thanks for backing me up, correctly interpreting my "ribbing," and saying we're friends in that other post. I think we are, too.

But I'm gonna keep ribbing you when your posts crack me up. :)"
posted at 20:08:52 on May 2, 2012 by beclean
Just remember    
"Just remember that those of us with imperfect
Earthly parents, and those of us who are imperfect parents, always have a perfect Heavenly Father. He knows us perfectly and always loves us.
At these times, He is the Dad we need to turn to. He will always be there for us.
Prayers and best wishes."
posted at 00:56:22 on May 3, 2012 by Hk-47
"I don't remember making that quote, but who ever did was very wise. Acting only makes us feel worse, not better. It is only temporary numbness followed by worse guilt and shame. I am adopted. I was 8 when I was adopted and I understand the slew of feelings and issues involved there. Remember that you are NOT an adopted Child of our Heavenly Father. He is ours and we are his. He will always be there for us, we only need to turn and reach for him as a child reaches for their parent, and he will warmly embrace us and help us along. Everyday I am grateful for him. I too lashed out at myself, at their expectations of me, and I kept all kinds of secrets from them. I did not trust them, I don't know if I ever trusted them. I vowed that I would be a better parent, but I did not turn to the Lord to help me do that. I kept my addiction and it made me an even worse parent. I wish I could go back and tell myself, the best way to proceed is turn to Him. He will always be there. He will never fail you. We love you Beauty18 and all of us wish the very best for you."
posted at 21:30:40 on May 6, 2012 by John07
"@beclean, hah I was right tho. You asked all those questions for fun because you never did reply to my answers to each one of thme.

@Belle I've never smoked but know plenty of people that do. The hate to hear their pro weed crap haha. Anyway, I'm sure it's very addicting even tho most say it isn't. I would say your parents will be disapointed and will give your their speech about "whats best for you" as your roll your eyes, but in the end they just want to help. Go to some drug addiction groups or whatever to get help, and get back to being friends with your family. In the end, that's all you have."
posted at 00:31:59 on May 7, 2012 by moronidenovo
"No, my questions were serious. I stopped posting on that thread because I was accused of attacking. I didn't want to fuel the fight any more."
posted at 17:51:54 on May 7, 2012 by beclean

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"Nothing is beyond [Christ’s] redeeming reach or His encircling empathy. Therefore, we should not complain about our own life’s not being a rose garden when we remember who wore the crown of thorns! Having bled at every pore, how red His raiment must have been in Gethsemane, how crimson that cloak! No wonder, when Christ comes in power and glory, that He will come in reminding red attire, signifying not only the winepress of wrath, but also to bring to our remembrance how He suffered for each of us in Gethsemane and on Calvary!"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987