Sacrament worthiness/ repentance process. Help.
By SharkFoster
3/17/2012 11:50:46 PM
AlrightN I've had a problem with masturbation for years now, since I was about 11, and I'm now 15. I told my bishop over a year ago, and my parents a few months ago. The longest I've ever gone is 3 weeks. I feel trapped. I need to know how to it an end to this problem for good. How long should it take to repent, when can I worthily partake of the sacrament?


Every Person is Different    
"Sacrament worthiness is between you, The Lord & your Bishop.
How to put an end to your will be the hardest thing that you have ever done, but it will be totally worth it. Start attending an ARP group. Start working the steps. Make yourself a plan for every day. If the temptation comes around, you need 5 or 6 or even 7 or 8 things to do, instead of your addictive behavior. Go for a run, play whatever sport you play, clean your room, read a book. You have to have a plan. Go to & do what it says to do. It will be hard at first, if you relapse, don't waste anytime, just start over. "
posted at 05:38:42 on March 18, 2012 by ME
he didnt mention pornography    
"I dont think its necessary for him to go to an ARP group busy for masturbation. I mean that's usually for more serious sins. Obviously this is bothering you enough that you should talk to your bishop about this. I do t think he'll prohibit you from taking the sacrament. You are doing great, 3 weeks is awesome. Remember this is a long term goal and you just keep improving until you dont need it anymore, hopefully before your mission. Just please stay away from pornography, that will make everything 100 times more complicated."
posted at 13:24:21 on March 18, 2012 by moroni
Same thing    
"Thats exactly my story except the three week thing. My bishop didn't tell me to stop taking the sacrament. Its part of the repentance process but it's all up to him though. Keep trying, I'm also 15. Your not alone."
posted at 14:59:34 on March 18, 2012 by TTT
"Are for anyone who cannot stop Mast, Porn, or any kind of addiction. If people wait until they are older and have distroyed not only themselves, but their wives and kids, that is a shame. Arp meeting are for everyone who cannot stop what they want to stop.

As far as if you can take the sacrament or not, that will need to be decided by your bishop. Remember, you are taking upon yourself Jesus Christ and that means that you promise to repent and follow him. If you are unable to follow him, you will need help to get back on the right path."
posted at 19:21:56 on March 18, 2012 by Anonymous
"Like the Anon posted above, meetings are for everyone with an addiction. If you feel trapped in it, then you can go. Just minors need to talk with their Bishop about attending. And meetings are a HUGE strength! I didn't realize it until I stopped going. As AA says, "7 days without a meeting makes one weak." Masturbation is a huge addiction. I got to the point where I was free from porn but still trapped in mb. So MB addiction is real. Start Addiction Recovery as soon as possible.

So first is first, talk to the Bishop. He will be a great source of help for you. He can direct you to meetings or answer any of these questions that you have. And remember, this is going to be hard. But it will be worth it."
posted at 20:32:40 on March 18, 2012 by iamstrong
No offense    
"But he's just a kid. He doesn't need to get traumatized over an issue like masturbation. Site its better to quit but if he's going to feel guilty and sad all of his teenage years maybe he shouldn't attend those meetings. You can progress so much if you dont let thos issue stop you from improving yourself. I avoided church all together because of that same issue when I was 12, and I'm sure I could've been a better person today if i just (confessed) took my bishops advice and guidance.

Its ok to feel bad, but you shouldn't lose sleep over thos issue. Remember to keep growing your faith and learning the gospel, stay away from pornography. I can tell your trying, hormones are completely against you but you will get through this."
posted at 22:52:59 on March 18, 2012 by moroni
I agree, he's just a kid.    
"Meetings are a great resource though. They aren't traumatizing. They are inspiring. I'm still young and they help a lot. And there are some kids, younger than me. The youngest that I've ever seen was 15. We had a lot of 16-18 year old boys there for porn because they wanted to get their life together to prepare for their missions.

The meetings take away guilt. They take away pain. They help with healing. And it is totally each person's decision. And should be discussed with the Bishop but a lot of people think meetings are scarier than they are. We are here to tell you that they are great."
posted at 00:24:07 on March 19, 2012 by iamstrong
ARP Age    
"My understanding of the ARP structure is that children under 16 cannot attend. I may be wrong. Stay close to your Bishop. You can work the steps with him until you can attend an ARP meeting. You need the steps to quit. Compulsive MB will only lead to more problems later. Nothing to be ashamed of. Get the help now."
posted at 00:37:06 on March 19, 2012 by chefdalet
I dont think his issue is compulsive masturbation    
"That's when you have no choice in the time or place and you masturbate all the time. Compulsive masturbation is a medical condition.

Anyway, have you guys ever had someone in this meeting, teen, who only masturbated? Its unheard of I'm guessing, probably because most bishops dont recommend it. When i told my bishop about mu problem, just masturbating because I didn't have a porn problem back then, he almost laughed because he thought I was going to tell him much worse. He understands that a lot of kids go through this and not let it bother me too much. He never, ever, recommended ARP to me.

I dont think the meetings are traumatizing, its just the idea of having to go to something like that for masturbation, where others are there for pornography and other sexual transgressions. Some will say its all the same and no matter what do this do that, but again he's just a kid"
posted at 21:20:15 on March 19, 2012 by moroni
"Is actually a bigger problem than a lot of people think. I was able to beat the porn but mb was my big thing. I didn't have a problem where I mb-ed everywhere and all the time. I was able to control it but I wasn't able to stop. Scientifically the more you mb, the more of a sex drive you have and it results in even more mb. That's just scientific. And it is a problem because it arouses feelings in yourself that it's not time for. It specifically says in the strength of youth, do not arouse sexual feelings in yourself or others.

It is a common thing to happen every once in a while for teenagers as their bodies change. But if you get caught in addiction, it can lead to porn and other sexual encounters. That's how addiction works.

And my brother went to ARP for only mb. He would mb to the thoughts in his head. And it became a problem because he couldn't go a day without. Which causes problems when you have school and work and church and family. It can get out of control.

Perhaps SHARKFOSTER's problem isn't as serious. But MB can be an addiction. Very often I've found, people actually focus more on the mb problem before the porn. I recommend working on both at the same time but I think you'll find many people on here are actually struggling more with mb. It shouldn't be downplayed.

And every Bishop says something different. Some bishops didn't even take my porn problem seriously. Others met with me weekly and attended meetings with me. Some bishops have more experience with sexual addiction and others are new to it. It just depends. I always say talk to God and talk to your Bishop and figure out a plan. It's different for all of us."
posted at 21:49:45 on March 19, 2012 by iamstrong
Exactly, we are all different    
"@IAmStfrong if I was Sharkfosfer, and I go to this site for some advice on an issue like masturbation and saw that some said I need to go to ARP, I'd be scared. Put yourself in his shoes, I'm just trying to balance this out because its easy to throe out recommendation but being that young, you take things so serious you get scared. I Renember being so scared because of masturbation, I thought I was going to hell and all of this.

If your brother couldn't do school work and other things, ya that's obviously a problem, probably compulsive? But, most do it a few times a week and feel bad, but out lives aren't consumed by it. I am not downplaying masturbation, but a lot of us are making it seem so much worse than it is. I wish i never masturbated, it really did lead to pornography. But i also wish i hadn't been so hard on myself. Instead of growing and putting in a righteousfight against it, i used guilt and anger to fight it. It doesn't work, I'm living proof.

I disagree, i think pornography should be solved first. If you honselty believe that porn and masturbation are two equal sins, then contact and have them add another site called Its not gonna happen. That's why pornography is gackled, ita dangerous, destructive, and just plain wrong.

So, my final thought is fight with prayer and faith, not guilt and pain. Masturbation is bad, but dont beat yourself up so bad."
posted at 22:09:53 on March 19, 2012 by moroni
Spencer W. Kimball    
"His talks and his book The Miracle of Forgiveness are great. He is one of the few who openly and candidly talks about these things. It's embarrassing for a lot of people. I wish more people talked like President Kimball. He says flat out how it is. To the point that until I was repentant I refused to finish the book. But I encourage anyone struggling to read this hard book. It hits you at the beginning and makes you realize where you are. And then it gives you SO MUCH hope. Forgiveness is a miracle.

And I think sin is sin. I'm not trying to make anyone feel shame. I am merely giving advice because if you feel trapped, The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the way! And this program really brings you closer to it. The whole meeting is about the Atonement. That is hope! That is freedom! But I don't think anyone is more sinful than another. We all commit sin. But what separates people is who has accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. None of us are clean. And none of us can clean ourselves. But the hope is in the knowledge that Christ took care of that.

Ok, I'm done. But pornography isn't a greater sin than mb. Cheating on a test might be the equivalent for sin as someone who looks at pornography. Each person has different trials. They aren't ranked. People who cheat on their high school science test aren't better than me. And I am not better than them. Cheating is dangerous, destructive, and wrong. Sin is dangerous, destructive, and wrong. No rankings. God doesn't call us by our categories, he calls us by name."
posted at 22:36:21 on March 19, 2012 by iamstrong
equal moreor less    
"The thing about porn addiction is that typically it leads to masturbation. Generally there is a trigger. They are both sexual sins. Neither with another physical. Person. In my book , they are equal with porn being worse because of how you end up looking at people, and the sexua.l thoughts it crea test. But, mb is bad. It does make you a slave to your flesh. I was scared when I first knew it was bad. But I didnot realize about addiction.
My Bishop considers mb worse then porn. Because its physical"
posted at 22:44:04 on March 19, 2012 by anon16
Semantics to a certain extent....    
"Porn and MB are both levels of sexual addiction. You never hear an alcoholic say that he has a Coors Light addiction. Let's be honest guys...we look at porn as part of the ritualization that leads to masturbation. Orgasm is the ultimate dopmine rush. That's why a wise Heavenly Father created us so that we could use sex within marriage as a way of binding us together and becoming one. Maybe young boys look at porn just to look, but ultimately I believe it all leads to MB and other sexual addictions."
posted at 23:01:26 on March 19, 2012 by chefdalet
Semantics to a certain extent....    
"Porn and MB are both levels of sexual addiction. You never hear an alcoholic say that he has a Coors Light addiction. Let's be honest guys...we look at porn as part of the ritualization that leads to masturbation. Orgasm is the ultimate dopmine rush. That's why a wise Heavenly Father created us so that we could use sex within marriage as a way of binding us together and becoming one. Maybe young boys look at porn just to look, but ultimately I believe it all leads to MB and other sexual addictions."
posted at 23:01:36 on March 19, 2012 by chefdalet
I was expecting these replies    
"Again, I disagree. If all sins were the same then all punishments would be the same. Your telling me, that if I drank some coffee, I would get punished the same if I smoked weed? What if I had sex, would I be punished the same if I instead dated a girl before I was 16.

My point is not to say, this isn't as bad so do this not that. But if everyone piles on this kid and tells him pornography is just as bad masturbation, then why not go and look for pornography. Why not kill two birds, with one stone, if they are the same size and cause the same pain?

Because they aren't equal. Pornography is such a dark world you can't compared to masturbation which usually comes from curiosity and hormones and such. again, in not trying to downplay masturbation but dont make it seem like such a serious sin that he needs to go to an ARP meeting.

Yes, porn and masturbation go together but you dont need masturbation for porn. You solve one problem at once, if you try to tackle the work instead of taking baby steps you might get overwhelmed.

I encourage you guys to go to the S~xual Addiction section and go back a few posts, and look for ZERO. His story, I feel it and just everything he wrote meant a lot to me. I wish he would come back but I think he's done with this site. Anyway, it just shows you that instead of at least conquering one problem, he is trying to tackle both and up to his last post he still didn't. Its sad, but that's how it happens sometimes."
posted at 23:47:24 on March 19, 2012 by moroni
Porn and Masturbation    
"Chef is right, porn is primarily used to enhance masturbation. Although Moroni is partially right in that a porn problem is more serious than masturbation alone, if the masturbation is left unchecked it will lead to porn and worse. Before I started looking at hard porn, I had a masturbation addiction for about six years. It seemed pretty harmless, and I told myself that it was just hormones, curiosity, etc... but it got so much worse as soon as it had the opportunity to.

There is a difference between a habit and an addiction though. A habit is hard to quit, but if we have the right motivation, then we can give it up on our own. A true addiction is much harder to get rid of. Nothing short of countless hours of hard work in recovery, thousands of prayers for help, and the grace of God can stop an addiction. It's up to Sharkfoster to decide whether or not he has an addiction and whether or not he needs to go to group.

By the way, I have seen several young men at group. I think fourteen is the youngest I've ever seen though. I've heard that there are some special support groups for young teenagers as well. And I have seen plenty of people at group who have only struggled with masturbation. "
posted at 10:50:13 on March 20, 2012 by ETTE
Interesting discussion    
"I believe it is all about telling the truth and no matter how "bad" is the sin, there is no punishment but step in order to be worthy again.

The gospel is for the sinner but we have to overcome this addiction and alone we cannot do that, this is the reality. It will take time and FAITH"
posted at 15:47:36 on March 20, 2012 by mike81
All I'm saying is we should be careful what we say in blogs    
"We are random people, out there in the world and anonymous. It's easy to just throw any recommendation and all I'm saying is be careful. You can scare this kid into feeling di guilty that he ends up doing something much worse. None of us know how bad his masturbation problem is, so why are we going to recommend him to an addiction recovery program?
And this isn't about telling the truth, I encourage everybody to confess everything they feel guilty about, especially masturbation.
Yes, masturbation is best left untouched and continually fought, but we are only human. It can get better, but it can also be so much worse and that's why I'm applauding him for improving so much. I haven't been "sober" for 3 weeks in a long time. So fight the good fight and dont kill yourself with guilt."
posted at 18:30:49 on March 20, 2012 by moroni
"I see your point, kind of but meetings will help anyone and are a great place to go for support and determine if you are an addict or not.

This is not a sin contest, it about coming unto Christ, which I believe 12 would help anyone. Imagine if everyone truly worked the steps. So many lives would be changed for good.

Be open to every for of help possible. Reach out as much as you can, especially to those who understand what you are enduring."
posted at 19:04:16 on March 20, 2012 by Anonymous
Coors Light addictions...    
"Yes, people in AA don't say they have a Coor's Light addiction. Their addiction is alcohol. But people in NA, who suffer through drug addiction talk about their Heroin addictions or Cocaine addictions. SA is about addiction to lust. And both MB and Porn are types of lust. Like how heroin and cocaine are both types of drugs. So what we are addicted to, whether porn or mb, is lust. I have a lust addiction."
posted at 20:58:49 on March 20, 2012 by Anonymous
Holy pooop    
"You guys, I'm not saying he shouldn't go. Im saying he shouldn't be guilted into going, especially for masturbation because this sin is only hurtful to him and to a small extent. Pornography hurts so much more. There's personal damage, then there is mental damage, then you are helping greedy people making money off of this, then you are promoting sinful behavior, some of these "actors" are actually being held captive or being trafficked, a lot of these people are abused. The list goes on, mast and porn should not be held equal. One is much worse, honestly I'm tired of repeating that.

The Coors thing is funny, but isn't applicable. It would be like me saying soft porn is ok but hardcore porn isn't, which is not what I said. All I'm saying, again, is to watch what we suggest to young kids who are already scared of what might happen to them.

Im super curious what Sharkfoster has to say....."
posted at 21:22:11 on March 20, 2012 by moroni
posted at 02:34:45 on March 21, 2012 by mike81

Add a Comment:

***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"Nothing is beyond [Christ’s] redeeming reach or His encircling empathy. Therefore, we should not complain about our own life’s not being a rose garden when we remember who wore the crown of thorns! Having bled at every pore, how red His raiment must have been in Gethsemane, how crimson that cloak! No wonder, when Christ comes in power and glory, that He will come in reminding red attire, signifying not only the winepress of wrath, but also to bring to our remembrance how He suffered for each of us in Gethsemane and on Calvary!"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987