working hard-can feel the desire creeping in
1/30/2012 3:22:57 PM
I just spent the last 35 minutes typing everything out, submitted and and my post didn't go through and it got deleted. Frustrating...

Long and short of it, I am working hard. I have been porn free since late December, where I had a binge. Before that it had been late November with one slip up. Before that I had been porn free since Oct 1. This is the best I have been able to do in years!!!!!

I really just need a little encouragement. I still have to confess to my wonderful wife and my bishop. And I am working toward that. But until then I want you all to help hold me accountable.

I have been doing good and keeping my mind busy with a much needed career change ( my last job I had waaay too much time and it was contributing to the problem.) But I can feel the desire creeping in. I need the spirit now more than ever, but in a moment of complacency I can forget all of the progress I have made. I don't want that to happen!

I have been so inspired and encouraged by your posts, your trials and your progress. I hope I can pay it forward the way you all do.


Read Paul's Posts    
"I would look up Paul on this blog. He has not posted for a while, but he was honorable like you and wanted to be clean before telling his wife. He did finally confess and found out that it was not as bad as he imagined. Also, I have much respect for Ruggaexpat who really loves his wife. My husband is also amazing and finally manned up and took complete accountability. He does not post on here anymore, but you can look him up under BARM.

In my opinion there are two things that I think are the most important actions other than faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Addict- Sobriety. Why? Sobriety builds trust. Wife, control freak (codependent)- Set boundaries and keep them. At first boundaries look like punishment towards the addicts, but when properly implemented they are key in helping the addict with change, lasting change. Again the addict must choose, but boundaries keep the wife safe and sane.

Be sure your sobriety is based in Jesus Christ and faith in him. If you are just gritting your teeth, it will not last. Satan uses that loophole and finds his way in when we are not focused on Jesus all the day long.

You can do this. You will do this. You love you wife. The question is, how bad do you want this?

Praying for you and everyone who has been bitten by this snake."
posted at 16:34:01 on January 30, 2012 by angelmom
what are you waiting for?    
"You are doing great. Good job.

But you will not be completely free of this until you have confessed. Your continued desire to delay is not from our heavenly father. The enemy of your soul wants you to delay until he can get you to screw up again. What are you waiting for? Going do what you know you need to do.

We will pray that it goes well. Fast that it will go well. Pray that it will go well. Go and do it as quickly as you can.

In fact, I recommend that you commit yourself to confess by Feb 1. Then, once you are committed, the only choice you have is whether you will go clean or whether you will mess up and go dirty.

Again, you are doing very well. Congratulations!"
posted at 21:09:00 on January 30, 2012 by beclean
BeClean - so right    
"Be Clean, Another man I really respect. He works very hard for his wife and himself. His sobriety is very important to him

I have great respect for the addicted people that I know who have finally found true sobriety. These people are not excuse makers, but accountability takers. Satan will tell you that you need your addiction, or my favorite is "it's not that bad". Or I'm not an addict like "those people".

You will experience pain when you tell your wife. She will experience pain, especially as this truth sinks in over the coming hours and days. It may not go so well when you tell her, but please be man enough to accept that. Let her feel everything and please, please, please to not try to rush her to get over it. You will heal faster than her. Through repentance and sobriety you will gain trust again. I read somewhere that when a husband is willing to work towards recovery, 90% of the time the wife will stay in the marriage.

I would advise that you strongly encourage your wife to attend women's support meetings to work on her healing. When someone is married to an addict, they become sick too. But healing is possible through our amazing Savior . The Atonement is for each and every one of us... the sinner and the sinned against.

Everything will work out for good... Go for it! You can do it!!! You have the power of the Lord to confess your sins and crush Satan and his minions."
posted at 09:24:07 on January 31, 2012 by angelmom
Hey, Keep working!    
"You can do this, dont give up. I'm 17 a guy, and I think im going through the first part of your Confession Story. Can you read my blog, I have my own story and can you help me out bi realize that I could be you in the future, so maybe if you help somebody else you can help yourself, thanks."
posted at 18:59:49 on February 4, 2012 by Moroni
The choice    
"There is a critical choice that comes around the time your realize that you are 'white knuckling' it. If you keep doing what you are doing (even if you've been working hard) then normally a relapse occurs. But there is another way. It'll require you to give more then you are currently doing though.

When that desire starts moving in it is like a warning bell that Satan is at the door. Ignoring him wont keep him out. It is like with addiction he learned the combination to our locks or perhaps has his own set of keys. If you want to protect yourself you'll have to call out the cavalry. If you let him stand on your doorstep he will get in. Take the blessing you've been given, the recognition of the desire for a 'fix' and go on the offensive. He cannot stay where light and truth and the Savior stand.

But we all had to learn that in order for Christ to come to our aid we had to yield... we had to let Him. That total submission isn't easy and it comes at a cost. It costs our pride. I ask myself, "What am I willing to do to have Him save me?" When we can answer, "ANYTHING" that is when white knuckling can end and recovery can begin."
posted at 15:19:12 on February 5, 2012 by Anonymous
Amen to "The Choice"    
"Anonymous hit it on the head. Give up your fight with temptation to the Savior. Give up your fears about talking to your wife and the bishop. Anything you are struggling with can be given to the Lord. You’ll find you spend less time fighting and more time at peace. If you like getting the snot beat out of you, stay in the ring with Satan, but I have learned from bitter experience that he is a lot better at it than we are. Send the Savior in and enjoy the show. Satan doesn’t hold a candle to Him.

“Faith isn’t knowing what the future holds, but knowing who holds the future.” Elder Uchtdorf"
posted at 13:02:43 on February 6, 2012 by justjohn
Thank you!    
"Thank you all for your support! I really wish I would have found this site years ago.
I appreciate your advice and all of your courage!

I will be meeting with the bishop sooner than later. I know what needs to be done. And for the first time in a very long time I think I am ready to do something about it.

I believe that telling my wife at the appropriate time will be very important. I know she is not in a place emotionally right now where she could handle that kind of news.

We just had another child and she is physically and emotionally drained. Every night she cries and wonders if she will be able to handle the load of taking care of 2 kids while I am at school and working. (I was working full-time and quit recently, so I am not around nearly as much as I used to be.) Not to mention her boss, who sometimes makes me uncomfortable about how close he is with my wife, and I have made that known, is going through a divorce because his wife cheated on him.
I think that this kind of news right now could tip her over the edge.

I am working hard. I don't feel like I am white knuckling it. I am trying to recover for the right reasons. For me first of all and for my wife and kids second of all. I know that is the only way I will really be able to keep them in the end.

This is the best fight I have been able to put up that I can remember....ever. Pray for me and I will keep praying for you all!"
posted at 12:06:31 on February 8, 2012 by WHATTODO

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"In recent years, as I have sung the hymns of the Atonement, it has been with an especially full heart—and also with full voice, when I can continue to sing—lines such as “How great thou art,” “I scarce can take it in,” “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” “I stand all amazed,” and “Oh, it is wonderful!”"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987