12 steps
By anon16
1/15/2012 8:06:31 PM
Today I met with my bishop.

We are going to start working on the 12 steps. Something that I realized today, that he said, was I don't have an addiction to pornography.

But I do have an addiction to masturbation. I read or look at porn to make it more intense. But when I binged, there was only one day I looked at porn.

Until today, we had never discussed it in terms of my having an addiction. I'd said something about how I might but wasn't
How does one work on the steps? I have tried several times to start working on them. I'm not sure quite how to go about this. I don't think hhe does either.

Have you ever heard of someone just having an addiction to mb? With some porn, but porn not being the problem? Because I can go without porn, I'm not really drawn to it. I have never heard of someone just having that problem - its always porn.

I'm actually admitting I have a problem. I'm realizing some difficult things. Which is why I'm posting this now. And prayers are totally answered. Doesn't completely go with this post,but I felt that needs to be said.


"really truly, what I think most people have an addiction to is lust. Those feelings that release the chemicals that create that response in our bodies. It doesn't matter if that comes from an image on a billboard or something on a movie or a magazine or any trigger that makes our body react that way and release those hormones.

Admitting there is a problem is a great step. You're right - prayers are totally answered. It can always be said :) Good luck on the steps. Go through them and I would also recommend keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings. It helps to process them as well as being helpful to look back in the future and see how far you've come."
posted at 20:38:08 on January 15, 2012 by Anonymous
Way to Go!    
"I am so glad you talked to your Bishop! That is wonderful.

My addiction is also MB. I have looked at porn, but I don't need to. Indeed, it does make it more intense.

The 12 Steps are not hard to start. If you have the manual, just read Step 1, and start working on the action steps. It's reading, reflecting, recording your thoughts and feelings. And, if you start going to the 12 step classes, which I would definitely encourage, you might be surprised that they go through a step each week. Don't feel pressured to complete a step every week. Just read the material and think about it, but continue to work on whatever step you are working on until you feel like you have really conquered it. Then move to the next step. And, you might even find that you have done parts of some of the other steps. That's good too.

Continue to pray and ask Heavenly Father for help to overcome this addiction. You can do it. And come here for support. We're all rooting for you too.

And in my 12 step program, we also fast for everyone in our group every Fast Sunday. I can include you too if you like.

God bless you and keep up the good work!"
posted at 22:16:52 on January 15, 2012 by want2change
Working the steps    
"At first I didn't know how to do it and my Bishop didn't really either. So I would just read the step in the manual and then make a goal that related to it and work on that for a month. I also answered all the questions in the manual. The main part is letting the steps become a part of you. When you move to te next step, you don't replace the first. You add to it."
posted at 01:09:20 on January 16, 2012 by Iamstrong
Do you have a meeting    
"Either way you are addicted.The point is that you can't stop and you need help.

Do you have a meeting nearby that you can attend? The support is so important. Your Bishop is a great resource for that information. Is your Bishop a recovering addict? If he is than he is equip to help you through the steps. If not, you should continue to see him as your Bishop, but you really need a recovering addict as a sponsor to help you through the steps. Your sponsor is someone who will be there at all hours of the day or night to help you. Your sponsor has been in the ditch and pulled himself (or herself) out. That is why he is the one who can best help you into recovery. Sponsors are the lifeblood of recovery. If you do not have a LDS meeting, there should be a SA recovery meeting in your area. "
posted at 14:54:13 on January 16, 2012 by Anonymous
I agree with anonymous    
"If your bishop isnt a recoverying addict, this could be tough work. 12 step is a lifelong repentence and forgiveness process. I feel like the biggest purpose of going to 12 step meetings is to make friends with people that you can call and talk to about urges and temptations without feeling silly.

Non-addict or non-professional people will have no idea how to really help you.. Might as well be a bird explaining to a fish how to fly...

You are on the right track.. If it works , work it. If it doesnt work and you have slips try stronger medicine. :-)

good luck.. May you find serenity"
posted at 16:53:00 on January 16, 2012 by Hurtallover
my thoughts    
"I'm not in a position to be able to go to meetings. I have a major time deadline, so I can get to college. At that point, there are meeting there, around a half hour away.

I'm struggling to admit that I have an addiction. Because I always feel like I can say no, but I never do. It really really troubles me to admit it, to have a label so to speak.I want to be sober so I can go to college. Otherwise I wouldn't bother now, but would wait. And never probably make the effort, get so desensitzed that it didn't matter to me.

I realized that this will always be a temptation for me. If I marry someone who has kept himself pure, and I don't end up "satisfied " because of him not being experienced that will be a struggle for me. It won't go away with having a husband. I'd always felt otherwise. It really discourages me that I will never be completely free.

Its a tough pill to swallow, having to do the 12 steps. As far as I am aware, my bishop is not an addict. Like I said, at this point it isn't an option to go to meetings. It would be so nice to have a sponser, but I don't think that's an option. I'll ask my bishop though, if he knows anyone, he was talking a while ago about how it would be nice for me to talk to someone who's been through this.

I get stuck on the first step, admitting it. I get stuck on the other steps. I don't know how long it'll take for me to get through it. I need to though, so I can go on, and not keep having issues. I hate this. I really do. But not enough to quit, yet. And I hate that ttoo.

I think that depending on how I do the steps with my bishop, that for some ofof them, a 15 minute meeting wouldn't be long enough. But I don't have time to go every other week, and it would be majorly excessive to have a 1/2 hour each week.

I'm not sure quite how to go about it, which is why I am asking. Because you people have gone through the steps, and humbled yourselves. And I'm still strugglinb with that.

Sorry for typos, my keyboard doesn't, always work."
posted at 18:06:47 on January 16, 2012 by anon16
Sexual Addiction....terminology.    
"I've always resisted the term, "sex addict", feeling it was too broad to cover my addiction which in my mind was just P0rn and MB. The real enemy is lust and fantasy, which leads to my acting out. Then I read on a recovery board somewhere, in referencing sexual addiction, they writer said, "You never hear an alcoholic say that he has a Coors Light addiction." The analogy here is that as sex addicts we try to compartmentalize our acting out behavior as if that is what our real addiction is, while not addressing the underlying problem. Just a thought. Don't get hung up on what your acting out behavior is. Sexual addiction takes many forms."
posted at 21:10:36 on January 16, 2012 by chefdalet
Time Deadline    
"Anon16, it sounds like you want to stop masturbating so you can make your application deadline. I'm not in the position to say whether or not you're worthy of an ecclesiastical endorsement, but I know that quitting an addiction and repenting usually takes longer than two weeks, and you really only have two weeks to apply for a church school for the fall. You know that the deadline is February 1st, right?

The next deadline is October 1st, which is the deadline for Winter 2013. You should have plenty of time to make the necessary adjustments in your life to meet that deadline.

I hope you know that I truly respect you for being honest with your church leaders. Even if they decide that your not ready for school in the fall, I believe that will work to your advantage in the long run.

There are worse possibilities than having to stay at home from school to work through the repentance process. I had to leave BYU for about a year so that I could repent of my sexual transgressions. I would not trade that year off for anything. During that year I learned that repentance is based off of the Lord's time, not our time. I also learned that I am not entitled to go to a church school just because I have good academic credentials. Attending a church school is a privilege rather than a right.

My year off from school also helped me bond with my parents, grow closer to the Lord, and truly appreciate all of my blessings. During the past year, I was able to get out of a destructive sexual relationship and re-evaluate my views of my own sexuality. Before, I felt a lot of anxiety about being married to a person who would not share my appetite for sex, and would not be a compatible partner for me. Now, I realize that sex is not a necessity of life. I have been clean from sex, porn, and masturbation for the last 110 days, and I'm starting to realize that there is MUCH more to life than sex.

I know that the Lord has a plan for us, and everything rests in His hands. Please don't stress about getting your endorsement. If it happens, great! If not, then just view that as a sign from God that you need to take more time to get ready for school."
posted at 16:39:31 on January 17, 2012 by ETTE
Sex Ed for Marriage to help with future compatibility fears    
"There is a couple of books sold at the Desert Book Store-one is, "And They Were Not Ashamed" which addresses how women can learn to respond-then wait upon their husbands.
I think it has many topics to help decide what is OK for couples to decide for themselves. May even cover when one partner become ill or injuried-I can't remember, however, there is help out there for this topic of sexual issues that come up in marriage. Good for you discovering Sex is not a necessity! Bonding, closeness, loving each other, being a team against the troubles of this world way more rewarding in the long run. "
posted at 00:54:32 on January 18, 2012 by Anonymous
"Thank you for the book suggestion. I will make a note and look at it I'm a few years.

Its not byu that I am applying to. This colleges deadline is June 1 but I want to try fire March"
posted at 08:05:24 on January 19, 2012 by anon16
If you're not a porn addict,    
"and I believe that's true, then stay away from porn. Completely. Absolutely. And stay away from anything like unto it. If you do that, you'll get more strength to overcome your other problem.

Don't worry about things that might or might not happen in marriage. I feel that by the time you get married, you will have experienced the change of disposition (the change of heart, the very change of your nature) that is spoken of in Mosiah 5:2. As someone wisely said on this site a few months ago, abstinence is not the same as recovery, meaning that just because you've stopped doing something doesn't mean that you're in recovery. Recovery requires a change of heart so that you've lost the disposition to do evil, and have only the disposition to do good. That's what all of us are working towards: a change of disposition to no more do evil, but to do only good.

As far as working the 12 steps is concerned, do you have the LDS 12 Step manual (the steps on this site are just a tiny portion of the actual manual)? A key to most addicts' recoveries is to write. Do the "exercises", i.e., follow the instructions in the manual (they've left a lot of lined space to write at the end of each step and sub-step). I believe that you'll find the writing to be helpful. It makes things more concrete when you write them down. It's also good to write down your goals, too, not just your recovery goals, but your other goals in life, too, such as scripture reading, physical fitness, academic achievements (grades), etc.

I hope this helps. The key is to read, ponder, pray, and write (be sure to write). Then the steps will yield their greatest benefit."
posted at 10:46:29 on January 19, 2012 by dog
"Sorry if I sounded creepy. I just would love to really have someone who understands me. Someone who wants to help me. Just let me know whenever. Thanks"
posted at 22:49:40 on January 21, 2012 by Getthrough
"I, sent you an emal :-) it was in response to your previous post, hadn't seen this post. I'd love to"
posted at 23:04:25 on January 21, 2012 by anon16
emails on the site    
"You gals are quite possibly a great pen-pal match. And Getthrough, I'm sure you can find additional help and sponsorship at a nearby group.

May I recommend, Getthrough, that now that you have found a pen-pal, you remove the post here and the other blog post with your email address? Wouldn't want creepy people crawling this site seeing a gal admitting to the kind of troubles we all have and contacting you to take advantage..."
posted at 00:14:11 on January 22, 2012 by BeClean
"I, sent you an emal :-) it was in response to your previous post, hadn't seen this post. I'd love to"
posted at 22:06:35 on January 22, 2012 by anon16
"I, sent you an emal :-) it was in response to your previous post, hadn't seen this post. I'd love to"
posted at 22:06:36 on January 22, 2012 by anon16

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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990