Where has all my strength gone?
By Ymir
12/7/2011 10:48:08 PM
Today I did it again. It's getting to be a daily thing that my mum asks if I have cut, and I have to say that I have... it's not fun to lie to her, therefore I don't. I used to. I used to play it off. But what do I do now? I need another thing to do... I need to switch back to how it was about two months ago. Where did that man go? What am I doing differently now that I wasn't doing then?

Can 'God' really love someone who hates themselves as much as I do on a regular basis. I haven't said it here yet, but a few months ago I was on suicide watch at work and after that at a hospital. I had people watching me and checking in on me every few minutes. That made me feel like a freak. Like an animal in a zoo... it didn't help at all...

I'm just rambling now, but I really wanted to find out that if God really has all the answers, then why hasn't he shared some with me? Why is it one disaster after another? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? The only tunnel I know is as black as the vast emptiness of space.

Someone once said that God only gives you as much as you can handle... well, that's obviously a big fat lie, for I can't handle any of this. Why did he choose me? After all the medical things that have gone wrong, why did he add this as well? I am not strong enough for this. I was barely keeping my head above the water before this started to pile on, and now I am sinking like a stone...


You are strong...    
"But when you are alone, you are not strong enough. God does love you. Is there anyone you care about no matter what? For me it is my little sister. It doesn't matter what she does. She could be a spoiled brat. She could break my computer. She could hate herself. And I'd never stop loving her. Whenever I see her cry, I wish I could just take all the pain so that she didn't have to... And that is how our Heavenly Family works.

God loves you. He cries when he sees you in pain. I know that you aren't LDS but it is impossible to get through this without God. So I am going to share this scripture with you:

Moses 7:28,32-33
"And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains?... The Lord said unto Enoch: Because these thy brethren, they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency; And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood."

Choose Him. Because without Him you are not strong enough.But with God, you are unstoppable.

You are not a freak. You are wonderful guy who wants to find hope. And God has helped you get this far. Let Him take you to freedom.

Why did God choose you for this? Because He knows you can turn this around. I have roommates that I ask to do certain things around the house because of their different personalities. They can handle different things. God gave you this because you have the qualities to overcome it. And you may not know it yet but you do. Find out who you really are...

Keep trying. I love you. God loves you. And I'm sure there are many others. You don't have to be strong enough. You don't have to do this alone. God is putting people into your life to help. And He will always be there."
posted at 23:10:58 on December 7, 2011 by iamstrong
Your Are His and He Loves You    

I remember thinking long ago ... how could a loving God allow his children to suffer.

That was when I saw this life with my earthly eyes, but now I see my life with His heavenly eyes and that has changed me forever. It was a slow process which took many years. THAT"S JUST HOW GENTLE GOD IS! He took his time to teach me and still does so today.

I now praise him when things are good and I praise him just the same when things are bad. He makes up all of the difference.

You are a sinful man and guess what? That makes you normal. You have physical pain and guess what? That makes you normal. Everything that happens in your life if designed to show you your weaknesses. When we find ourselves weak and then we decide that our lives are unmanageable and that we alone can do next to nothing. That is when we begin to turn to him and say " I give up" , or in other words, "i got nothin", so""whatchu got". At this point, just when we feel we can take no more, he does his magic. But first we must believe that he can do this for us. That is when he can begin to show us our strength.

Either millions, maybe billions who have come and gone on this place we call home are making this whole thing up, or it is very real. For me this is very real. For me it is how I smile at and love complete strangers every day.It is how I even love those who hurt me. It is his gift, just for trusting him. THAT IS HOW LOVING GOD IS!

It always takes time, for it is His timing that all things come to pass. He is perfect and knows exactly what we need and how we need it to happen. He is perfecting us through our trials. We did not come here to live out a life in sunshine and happy days. We came here to learn and the most important of life's lessons are most often born of pain. It is through the pain that we appreciate the joy that can be found.

One thing I know that you have learned already is that you are a survivor. I bet some look at you and think or say, "how does he do it"?,or "how does he endure all of that physical pain, and keep going on"?. Freak? I say not. You were sent here for many reasons, one of which was to bring others to Christ just by your very existence. You see the Lord does not use the perfect people to teach. Mostly they are the ones who just talk at us about God. He uses the weak things of the world to teach and sometimes humiliate the strong and prideful . Look up 1 Corinthians verse 27. We (the weak things) testify with our lives because we ( the weak things) need a Savior. I need a Savior. Even if you don't know it, you need a Savior. Even if you don't believe in him, he still loves and adores every broken part of who you are. THAT IS HOW AMAZING HE IS!!!

God really only gives you what you can handle ... Well kind of. You see, he does not expect you to do it alone. Turn your heart to him in believing prayer and ask him to carry your burden for you until you can carry it yourself. He will do it, I promise. Ask him to love you until you can love yourself. And ask him to hold on to hope for you, until you can hold it yourself. Even after he does all of that, he is still there with you loving you all the way.

Can you tell that I am just a little passionate about my amazing God? I can't even apologize for it because he has been changing me my whole life, and I didn't even know it. He is making me new in him and I know that he is doing a great work inside me. One I could never do for myself. because.... THAT IS HOW KIND HE IS.

I pray that you will allow the God of all this universe to unlock your heart and invite him in, so that you can experience what all of us who know "the secret" are experiencing!!! It really is so simple.

Whacha think? Are you game to give it a fair shake?

Love you dear brother
posted at 08:05:44 on December 8, 2011 by angelmom

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"The solution to this problem ultimately is neither governmental nor institutional. Nor is it a question of legality. It is a matter of individual choice and commitment. Agency must be understood. The importance of the will in making crucial choices must be known. Then steps toward relief can follow."

— Russell M. Nelson