I don't know what to say...
By Gondor44646
10/27/2011 2:20:11 PM
Hi... Do you remember me? I don't understand really... I don't know what to say... I'm 21 years old; I think I first posted here when I was 17.

I still have weaknesses and problems, I probably always will. A lot of things have changed, for good or bad, I suppose I am where I need to be. I've moved out, and I'm living with some other roommates, and I work at a computer shop all day... For some reason all of this seems to be helping me.

I don't know why, I don't know if it's fair... I suffered so much, and at times I am still hurt, but my problem doesn't seem to bother me anymore... Or in other words, I'm not perfect, but I can abstain from my problem, which used to depress me and destroy me every day of my life. I can make guesses as to why things are better? I suppose being independent helps, reading the scriptures and praying every day, earnestly wanting to know the truth and wanting to have a relationship with God.

I've stopped counting the days, that's just silly to me now, I don't care, if I feel the spirit then whatever... I feel like I have lost the desire, like my very nature just doesn't care and would much rather abstain to have the greater blessings of faith in the things I want... I want my Partartical blessing, I want the Melkesdic Priesthood, if worthy and ready, I want to be able to serve a mission and to do whatever I can if I can help anything... The Partrartical blessing... I want to know my purpose in life; I don't know what it is. Why does God love us so much? I've had many things open up to me to my understanding... A lot of people must be praying for me, because I don't know how this is possible. How did I come from almost killing myself to feeling pleasantly peachy?

I actually had a difficult day today too... Wet Dreams... I know I am not accountable to them (to an extent), but they always distract me and for some reason, after one, I am very tempted to give in, which doesn't make sense; you would think that it would be less tempting after that. I am also troubled by the dreams they antagonize me with the confusion, pain, and pleasure, which distorts what is true about sex... and this is true to many things that still haunt me in my mind... and it makes me sad... but I take a careless attitude, not to say that I am not careless about the sin, but that I simply don't care about my carnal mind and I move on... (I am still not good in this thing though, any advice and understanding would help .please.)

There's not much more I can say, I just hope I can be worthy and ready to receive those blessings and a mission. I believe The Book Of Mormon is true and is the Word of God. I also believe Jesus Christ to be the Son Of God and the savior of the world... I hope he will have patience to help me, I hope he is willing to save my sorry dumb soul...


wasn't here    
"i wasn't here when you first posted but it seems you've made a great transistion!! keep doing what your doing because it's working!! about the whole wet dream thing i wouldn't know what to say i'm not really having those much ever...but just pray to god that if you do have one that after it you won't be tempted and just try your hardest you wouldn't want to ruin your "pleasantly peachy" life ... :) good luck and godbless!"
posted at 19:19:15 on October 27, 2011 by Teddy
"So good to hear of your magnificent recovery. You are doing amazing!!

Your comment: " but I take a careless attitude, not to say that I am not careless about the sin, but that I simply don't care about my carnal mind and I move on..." I believe to be a healthy one. I am not an addict, but I have read so much here and in countless recovery books. Addiction is in the brain, the carnal dreams, visions and impressions, are completely normal to your recovery process. "Move on" just as you are doing. Pray to have the Savior remove those images, dreams and anything else that is lingering. It takes time, at the very least 12 months of sobriety for your brain to begin to heal. Patience and keep moving on. I hope you are attending a group. This is your recovery insurance.

I hope some of the brothers who have experienced recovery and some of the side effects Gondor is asking about will comment.

Keep moving on!"
posted at 19:17:30 on October 28, 2011 by hero
Thanks for sharing....    
"It's great to be young and so cognizant of how things were and how things are. Are you working the 12 step program? Even those in strong recovery benefit. The answers as to why God loves you so much is found there. The Saviors love is understood there. His invitation to us is to turn our whole selves over to His care and keeping.

You will make a great missionary. I have quoted this berfore: "Only the wounded are in the Army of the Lord." You my friend are a warrior with battle scars. Yet, like the Stripling Warriors, you took your wounds, the Savior's protection has helped and healed you. the battle is not yet over. Do not be discouraged by wet dreams, (Nocturnal Emmissions) They are natural and it the way our seminal vessicles discharge excess semen. I had them until my late twenties. Another way to help relieve this excess is by rigourus physical exercise. They are usually accompanied by a sexual dream which is a manifestation of those images that our brain has and which are triggerd while in our sleep cycle. Healthy men of all ages usually have an erection once every 90 minutes during sleep. It is during this period that wet dreams occur.

What to do: change your underwear. No shame in this. Your physical functions are working just fine. The Savior will not remove this. It is performing that way the Lord intended. Contrast this with self stimulation and arousal coupled with viewing sleazy porn which culminates in masturbation. Our conscience is set ablaze. We feel shame and begin to despise and even hate ourselves. Yet there are those who cannot seem to break free from this cycle and they go into a downward spiral of addiction and isolation and finally end up hopeless and alone. We have no interest in that life style.

I too share your outlook on this. It just doesn't interest me anymore. I asked the Lord to remove from my shortcomings and character weaknesses. I am soo grateful. But now there is work to do. So many of my brothers and sisters are trapped in this addictive life script and they don't know how to get free. That is why I am promoting the LDS AR 12 step program.

Your mission is just begining. Sounds like the Lord is preparing you for greater things. Because of your knowledge and your strenght gained through recovery you will be able to reach into the hearts of many people as you work with them through out your life.

Remember that we retain a remission of our sins on a daily basis. See Mosiah chapters 3 - 5."
posted at 23:41:05 on October 28, 2011 by 3R's

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"You lived with your Heavenly Father in a premortal life. You were there with Him. Your spirit knows what it is like to live in celestial realms. You can never be truly happy in an uncelestial environment. You know too much. That is one of the reasons that for you, wickedness never can be happiness. What a great thing it is to decide once and for all early in life what you will do and what you will not do with regards to honesty, modesty, chastity, the Word of Wisdom, and temple marriage. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006