just some thoughts
By skyteamst90
7/13/2011 9:18:12 PM
just checking in, i have over a week under my belt. although i don't feel the push or desire to mb, or look at porn. i noticed when they increased my meds, that the' 'ol libedo kinda i don't know. the other thought i have been having, that looking at the stuff, "what need does it fulfill?" uh, well everything fake for sure. and like i would never get a girl like that in a million years...

i've been praying differently, and just doing the little things. i guess by small means great things happen....or so they say...

someone posted the CoDEPENTANT word....i hate that word, as much as the eff word....i don't even want to debate the word or syntax or anything, just know that i think that word is a farse, and of course 2 people in a relasionship are co-depentant -or- interdependant.....what other words can we make up for things????

with all this other addiction thing, my depression is high, and i can sense it. i just take my meds and try to see what triggers it or if it is just my brain going crazy on me. usually after some thinking i can figure it out, and usually make myself focus on something else and try to be productiive.

i know that polictics and the fact i am not working is a stress for me. i haven't worked in a year, and havnent had steady work in about is sucky in that way....but i push forward.
so my 'day job' is watching my kids over the summer....really testing my patience, like the new skill i had developed thru this depression and addiction crap....its interesting.

in other news, i met a girl, or actually reconnected with a girl, and we have talked and shared a bit. she is supportive of rebaptism for me and helps me along. i appreciate that alot and think its great someone believes in me, so i enjoy it for what it is. shes LDS and active and all that and a pretty good person, although i am....older then her, so...i don't know. she says she wants to be serious and temple marriage, i am a few steps from that, so we will see how that turns out.

so keep working hard and doing the right thing kids...


"Great hearing from you. I'm so pleased with how well you're doing. I know it doesn't feel all that great right now but from an outsiders perspective you are doing pretty awesome! A new girl in your life, too! I am glad she is a good influence, too. I wouldn't worry too much about the age difference. When you get older it matters even less. Keep up the good work!"
posted at 02:25:03 on July 14, 2011 by Anonymous

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"Each one who resolves to climb that steep road to recovery must gird up for the fight of a lifetime. But a lifetime is a prize well worth the price. This challenge uniquely involves the will, and the will can prevail. Healing doesn’t come after the first dose of any medicine. So the prescription must be followed firmly, bearing in mind that it often takes as long to recover as it did to become ill. But if made consistently and persistently, correct choices can cure. "

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988