Thinking about becoming inactive
By dstanley
6/16/2011 9:31:09 AM
I appreciate everyone's comments about DCs. I still don't get it though, and I'm not sure I believe that it is anyone's business but mine rather I take the sacrament. There's only one person that truly knows if I'm worthy, and that's God, not my bishop. If my bishop understood addiction it might be different. It's frustrating because it isn't that I don't believe the Gospel, I just can't buy (at least right now) my bishop's role in things and I'm letting it impact my recovery. I know that's my fault, not his. I feel though like maybe it would be easier to focus on my recovery, and I can't take the sacrament, so I don't feel like I'm really missing anything by not going to church. I'm so confused right now.


"I know exactly where you are coming from. And im not going to say do it your way and im not going to say be fully active. But remember that sundays isnt always about the sacrament meeting. We get to fellowship and learn from others.

Your children do need the sacrament implemented in their lives so do take them into consideration.

If youre frustrated with your bishop maybe you could visit another ward
Being at another ward could alleviate all the drama that you could be dealing with. It also can help you focus more on the worship experiance than on your frustrations. I find it easy to focus sometimes when im around people who dont know me because their preceptions of me dont matter.

Maybe my suggestions suck. But just consider them."
posted at 09:50:39 on June 16, 2011 by taintedlove
Dang It    
"I hadn't thought about my kids needing the sacrament."
posted at 09:58:31 on June 16, 2011 by dstanley
remember this    
"We all impact someones life. That includes you. You are needed in this church just as much if not more so than the next person.

I like to think of us addicts (or hope) as missionaries. Alot us (I dont feel part of this right now) are example to those who sin and as we progress we build a testimony. We, over time, are able to voice some of our struggles. When we get to that point people will hear. Some may scoff but many will understand and converts or the less active members can relate and ultimately strive to do better.

Maybe rather going inactive altogether you can be a frequent or less than frequent member. Maybe you can spend that time to focus on recovery.
Just another thought. Maybe its stupid"
posted at 10:05:11 on June 16, 2011 by taintedlove
What you can give    
"I do understand not wanting to go to church, but trust me that it wont help.

I believe that enduring through this painful time with faith is the only answer. Also, maybe church attendance is just the beginning and for each of us who may feel like we aren't getting anything out of it...that we should stop and consider instead of what we are not getting....what we should be giving. "Ask not what church can do for you, but what you can do for church" and all that JFK jazz.

Stay strong. You can overcome."
posted at 14:36:22 on June 16, 2011 by maddy
Remember ..The DC is voluntary    
"I was thinking.. if the DC is creating so much angst, just dont go. Ignore it.Stop talking to the bishop. The bishop isnt going to send out a goon squad after you or keep you from attending church. The bishop is going to storm off the stands if you take the sacrament. It's your free agency. You are learning like the rest of us. He is there to help when you are ready for the help. goodluck"
posted at 15:08:37 on June 16, 2011 by Anonymous
"We do have a choice. We get what we
focus on consistently . . .there are forces that erode our faith. Some
are the result of Satan’s direct influence. But for others, we have no
one but ourselves to blame. These stem from personal tendencies,
attitudes, and habits we can learn to change. . . Doubt is a negative
emotion related to fear . . .Discouragement comes from missed

I read this quote and thought of this blog and wanted to share it in hopes it helps. It is from Step 2 in the spouse recovery manual. I love the part that says, "We get what we focus on consistently." I've never thought about it this way but in hindsite I can see that it is true, that when I focus on my pain, my life is painful. When I focus on hope and joy and recovery, my life is hopeful and joyful and I recover. I hope this truth helps you with your situation as well."
posted at 15:21:55 on June 16, 2011 by maddy
Couldn't do it for myself!    
"As a young mother I smoked. I started in my teens. I found that when I was expecting I could refrain even thought it was hard. Then I would start again after they were born. I know this was not good either but that was were I was at then. I finally decided that was not the example I wanted to set for my children and was able to stop. It was hard, and it took years before the desire was gone. I know if I was trying to do it just for me I could not have stopped. But! When I thought of my children, I had more strength to do what I knew was right. What I wanted for them, what my hopes were for them, what my love for them could do."
posted at 21:09:24 on June 16, 2011 by Hero
Just Don't Know    
"I just don't know if I can deal with everything right now. I'm struggling with my depression big time right now. I also struggle with disordered eating, and right now I can't even eat 3 meals a day. I'm not sleeping nearly enough. I'm going through a lot of stuff with my first ex with regards to child support and custody. I'm realizing that a lot of my being upset that he's talking about getting married is that he's no longer available to act out with. He's who I really want to have sex with. I'm struggling to care much about anything. I'm not even sure doing it for my kids is going to work. My youngest is too little to know the difference, and my oldest I don't necessarily have a lot of hope for either way right now."
posted at 22:05:40 on June 16, 2011 by dstanley
Hang in there, D    
"It will eventually pass and you will feel better again."
posted at 03:18:44 on June 17, 2011 by Anonymous
Please listen to this conference talk    
posted at 13:57:27 on June 17, 2011 by Anonymous
Read the Talk    
"It's a good one. Thanks for suggesting it."
posted at 22:51:36 on June 17, 2011 by dstanley
I quit    
"I was going to go to church on Sunday, but my bishop sent me an email today that pissed me off. He clearly doesn't know addiction or me. I'm not letting him control my life. I don't need him or the church to recover. I can do it on my own (with God, my counselors, and my true friends). I don't trust my bishop to know what is best for me."
posted at 13:50:55 on June 18, 2011 by dstanley
What did he say, D?    
posted at 15:09:49 on June 18, 2011 by Anonymous
You Know, I'm Not Sure    
"I read it again to tell you what pissed me off, and now I'm not sure quite what I was all upset about. I still disagree with some things, but I think some of it hurts because it's true. He did suggest reading Elder Christofferson's talk from April's conference (link below). It is a good one. Today has been a humbling day. My counselor said Wednesday he thinks I'm being a victim. He asked me to go back to workbook 4 (from LifeStar) and read that section and send him an email about it. I read the stuff and it all applied. Then this whole thing with my bishop. I feel like such a dork (which makes me want to go act out). How did my recovery get so far off track? I had 1.5 years with 2 mb slips in the middle, and now it's horrible. Frustrating. So anyways, after emails with the bishop, a visit from my VT companion, and a visit from the sister missionaries, I'm going to try to go to church tomorrow."
posted at 00:20:30 on June 19, 2011 by dstanley
"We love you. I hope you do go to church. And its ok to realize tha you overreacted or misconstrued or what not. Youre human. As is all of us. The recovery will come. Youll get to where you want i promise.

posted at 09:53:24 on June 19, 2011 by taintedlove
I went    
"I went to church. It wasn't too bad. It was a little hard to watch the Primary kids sing to their dads. I hope that my youngest has a dad to sing to when he gets to Primary. Then we talked alot about the sacrament in Sunday School. That was kind of hard too. I wanted to cry as I sat thinking about potentially not being able to take the sacrament for a long time, but my little one is asleep and I have my scriptures so I can do some studying. Maybe I can get back on track with that. Praying scares me a little more (because of all that I've done and all the emotion), but I'm going to try and do that too.

I think part of being so upset yesterday is that the consequences (or potential consequences) of having sex with Dan are becoming all too real. I'd made my peace with what I'd done, and now it's getting drug back up. I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday to get tested for STDs. The fact that I could die became very real as I sat there. The tests so far have been negative, but I have to go back in 3 months and again in 6 months before I'll know for sure. Then there's the stuff with church and the reality that I really could get disfellowshipped or excommunicated (not that my counselor didn't tell me that before). I'm not totally sure why, but that idea scares me. I'm scared of my reaction to it. I'm scared that I can't get sober without the sacrament (even though I have before). Heck, I'm scared I can't get sober even with it.

I have a meeting with my bishop on Thursday (assuming I find a babysitter). He's going to try and clarify things and answer my questions. I'm hoping that will help me understand some things. I guess I'm to the point though where I realize that if I believe the church is true (which I do), then I need to trust that this will work out for the best rather I see it right away or not. It's time to get serious again about recovery. I've started that by throwing some stuff away and going to church. Now to continue with scripture study and prayer. Some of last night's acting out I think technically spilled into today, so I'm not sure I can call today Day 1, but I can at least make it the rest of the day sober. Maybe I can make my birthday Day 11."
posted at 15:53:01 on June 19, 2011 by dstanley
"Excellent insights! I knew you would get a better perspective if given the time. Yes, it is scary. EVERYTHING is scary! Someone wise once told me that when we start this recovery bussiness everything is so uncertain and frightening. Some of us have legal troubles, family troubles, membership troubles, etc. But if we keep putting one foot in front of the other and every now and then, take a moment to look behind us, we will realize that Heavenly Father has taken perfect care of us along the way. Our 'wants' aren't always met but our 'needs' are taken care of every time. That helps us to have more faith in Him and in the process. Keep moving forward, however haltingly. You are being molded into an incredible daughter of God. It is a painful process but it has a wonderful payoff...serenity.
I have to stay in "today". Tomorrow never comes, D. That feared day of reckoning never comes when we take care of the things we can do today."
posted at 17:53:11 on June 19, 2011 by Anonymous
Good for you    
"This last post is so much more hopeful. Way to go!

I've done the same thing where I react emotionally to something and later go back and can't figure out what I was upset about. Maybe I misread one word and it changed everything. I did that to my Bishop a little while ago and actually ended up yelling at him in the hallway over a misunderstanding. Oooops. I apologized later and it is a bit of an inside joke now.

Hang in there and Dstanley and just keep trusting in Heavenly Father."
posted at 21:27:07 on June 19, 2011 by maddy
Yea me too    
"I can't tell you how many times I've been so mad at god and tell him i quit and then come back in 3 hours and beg him to forgive me.I really didn't think my bishop understood addiction either because when i told him i fell he laughed because i did it when i was sick at home, i didn't understand the joke.He also seemed kinda cold on me and he hasn't called me about the counselor,it makes me mad but not enough to not go to church.Because i do't go to church for my parents or bishop or the people who judge me because i don't take sacrament i go for GOD!

please don't not go to church its a bad thought just thinking about leaving its what the devil would want you too do so don't and your kids need the sacrament.About your problem with the STDs pray all you can god has made many miracle before and still do it now.My mom and dad are really sick and my dad once told me "If i died tomorrow i would die happy because i would know that i did what i had too, i raised my kids right in the church i served heavenly father in a mission i have a lovely wife who i married in the temple i may not be perfect but i know i did the best i could.""
posted at 09:16:14 on June 20, 2011 by Teddy
thought long + hard...    
"i thought about posting something + so i will. this is skyteam. i read your posts + thought about what to say, so i decided to say nothing. lots of advice here...i cant really add much, i have my experience + can only go by that + some of the other things i have read + see what people post. if your really interested in what i have to say, then you can ask...otherwise i just offer my support + friendship."
posted at 21:54:31 on June 21, 2011 by Anonymous
I'm interested    
"I'd love to hear what you have to say skyteam."
posted at 23:16:16 on June 21, 2011 by dstanley
a long sentence    
"its going to be long post rest tomorrowm hard to post via blackberry

seven hundred six three. four houndred thrity eight fifty nintyfour skyteam"
posted at 00:04:35 on June 22, 2011 by Anonymous
my reply to Stanley    
"I have given some thought.

i was going to post someting like this....i was going to call your other post....bull s***...i was going to call it...i think you were venting, and just upset. thats ok, and normal....guess what your normal...if you knew the dirt on everyone at church, or even your next neigbors, you'd be surprised. you had some excuses, and you sounded like me.

in my professional, rockstar, uneducated, excommunicated have to deal with your feelings of being have to except this....i have talked about this before on here, and mentioned it to you. Look into this. You have a history of some heavy stuff, and perhaps that is influencing you to continue in your addictive behaviour. A great turning point for me was coming to realize this. i was suffering from lack of love.

ANGER....we all have this, and we are angry, we are angry at the world, god, our ex's, our kids, friends for not being there, bishops, people at church, co workers, other family members....for not understanding us, not loving us, and not excepting us or at least trying to understand....learn to let this can control yourself more then you dont have to get angry, you can choose to not get angry, you can make another choice. anger is a very powerful force....

BISHOP are correct in the fact that sins and forgivness is between you and god...however there is a step....the your own anger and leading you to be not humble. giving up and stop going isn't the answer, i am sure you know that. none of us is ABOVE THE LAW...he's there to help, and well if he isnt as compassionate as you like, thats not his problem. BISHOPS ARENT THERAPISTS....they are the spiritual leaders in your recovery or movement forward. if you can't get yourself to face the bishop, then its your own pride....we all struggle with it too...we all have one like going to the princpals office...know, that i don't like going there, and hate giving a bad report, but giving the bad report is my problem right? not his.....its me who is making the bad, be open, be honest, be calm, be teachable, be well....tell him how you feel about him...say hey, i have trouble with this because i feel youre not understanding me or my situation............of course he doesn't totally understand, hes not living your life...

you need to love yourself....another stark discovery for me was this.....addicts or addiction people say, I AM a addict......the words I AM are very powerful...after all the great god of the univers is the GREAT I, there is a primary song.......I AM A CHILD OF GOD.....simple words, but really mean instead of saying I AM an addict....say I AM A CHILD OF GOD....ok again...I AM A CHILD OF GOD.....that means you have worth...

the book of mormon is cool and i like many parts of it, however some new testiment scriptures are cool for me. i will share them they are very personal to me.

mark chapter 4...start at verse 35 (p1248)....this is a great part of the scriptures...the apostles are on the lake, remember? they are sailing, and a storm kicked up in as much, as waves were starting to over take the ship...and guess where Jesus was? Sleeping...what were the apostles doing? Freaking out...can you imagine them? Whining...OH we're going to die...this clothes are all wet...look at the doesn't say in MARK who woke him, but one of them did or [they]...and what do they ask him? Verse 38...."carest thou not that we perish?" ok STOP...what did they just ask him? The king of the world, the messiah, jehovah, the son of god...the Christ...."dont you care about me?" "don't you see whats happening and your sleeping?" ....think about this for a while....THIS APPLIES TO US IN EVERY WAY........
jesus says......WHY ARE YE SO FEARFUL? HOW IS IT YE HAVE NO FAITH?" BLAM....a piece of humble pie....oops....sorry Jesus...the first thing....FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR...we fear, we get scared....fear fear fear......think about it...what is the first thing a heavenly messagenger says when they come???? FEAR NOT.....uh we humans fear.....these apostles feared....I fear sometimes too....and then the lack of FAITH is directly connected to fear....we fear, then we have no faith....(((rasberry))) so think about this scripture.....WHY ARE YOU DSTANLEY SO FEARFUL??? HOW IS IT THAT YE HAVE NO FAITH DSTANLEY?" unlock this mystery to you, and you wil have a the end Jesus saved them...
verse 39----Dstanley PEACE, BE STILL...and the wind ceased and there was a great calm......LEARN WHAT THIS IS AND YOU WILL WIN YOUR BATTLE WITH MASTURBATION....

2nd the story of the woman with the issue of blood....I'll talk about this one later...i'll comment later i have to watch my kids....

on other quick comment....MORONI part of the answer.......
1- come unto christ....we have to open that door and communication...he wont force himself on us
2- and we will be perfected in him through this process
3-DENY YOURSELVES OF ALL UNGODLYNESS......ok heres (my pride at least) PRIDE....PRIDE....heres the commiment....[a] get rid of all your sinful crap...mags, toys, movies, cigs, alchol, playing cards, secrets, LIES...etc.etc.etc....get rid of the crap you hang on to that you love to sin can be anything.....(..i still work on this one)....i think you said you had some know what to do....

heres the test, if your not ready to quit, then your not ready for blessings and forgiveness....i mean it like this....say, for example, you smoke...

person [1] .Oh im trying to quit........
person [2]uh ya right....oh really what are you doing to quit?........
if you don't stop, or making choices to change that, then your not ready to quit....for me it was one is forcing me to look at it....i choose to...then i get excited, then i masturbate....funny process i am WILLING to stop, get rid of it, then i can't expect the lord to help me get over it, cause IM NOT READY or what ever to let it go...i have to let go of the broken toy, in order for my daddy to fix it.....

im not an expert or therapist...i have my own issues and problems...believe me, my life sucks in a lot of ways....but i understand that my choices have gotten me here (maybe for you its different), however, going forward, the choices you make are what dont have to touch yourself, you dont have to give into anger, you can love yourself...even if its just a dream.....dream about it....don't allow depression over take you...learn what you can to do make yourself happy in a NEW way...I don't have all the answers, but i do know, that miracles happen. one has happend to me rescently....they happen to you too...they happen to can learn to see them...

i'll try to comment on the women who touched jesus later...
and we can talk about a BROKEN HEART AND A CONTRITE SPIRIT another time.....<---thats another key there too....."
posted at 15:51:57 on June 22, 2011 by skyteamst90
"I love you! You are one dude on here that I would probably feel comfortable hanging out with in person. You've come a ways, Bro."
posted at 16:04:18 on June 22, 2011 by Anonymous
whats your name    
"its kinda funny you know mine lol"
posted at 18:33:50 on June 22, 2011 by skyteamst90
"I really like what you have said, it really is good stuff

posted at 20:37:24 on June 22, 2011 by ruggaexpat
well cool.    
"well i can only go by the experience i have and things i have read. i suppose its for everyone to search out the truth and then try to live by it....not always easy to do of course."
posted at 22:40:13 on June 22, 2011 by skyteamst90

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"The Savior teaches that we will have tribulation in the world, but we should "be of good cheer" because He has "overcome the world". His Atonement reaches and is powerful enough not only to pay the price for sin but also to heal every mortal affliction… He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan in His parable, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He binds up our wounds and cares for us. Brothers and sisters, the healing power of His Atonement is for you, for us, for all. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference October 2006