how I am doing
By Joshua
3/14/2011 10:40:39 PM
Well it has been a while since I blogged. I have set some new goals in my life which the books on porn addiction said so as a way to help me get over this soe hence why I am writing today as I set the goal to keep a journal at least once a week and I feel blogging is still keeping a journal. I am doing much the same. I sometimes have 1 one , 2 weeks, 3 weeks or over 3 weeks of at least not acting out but in the midst of it from time to time i still catch myself lusting in my thoughts or taking the longer look whenever a pretty lady walks bye or just to be more honest so I am not leaving anything out even teenage girls. I know some of u might find that gross etc. However what I am finding not to say that I am not in the wrong for I am but if I based my my history and from what I have been reading to get the same arousal if u are have been looking at porn or for me lusting in my thoughts or actions by taking that 2nd look, or 3rd etc eventually I will need soemthing more hardcore.

Case in point today I was at the store and I saw a pretty girl most likely i teenager and the lust thoughts came and I did entertain them even to the point when I walked out of the store I wanted to masterbate as soon as I got home. I am now home still wanting to masterbate but thinking about what it will do with my relationship with God, myself, my wife and that is helping while having ny bedroom door open.

Plus another reason why I haven't blogged for a while is there is very few people that comment on my blogs eevn when I ask questions it makes me feel like an outsider peeking in and then still getting shoved outside agian and Ii makes me fel like there isn't much of a positive fellowship here it feels cliquey like we have our own circle of friends on here and outsiders aren't allowed

on the same not I do want to thank DStanley for saying her thoughts most of the time makes me feel welcomed here and others that frequently post on my blog


further more    
"then again I could be part of the problem as I rarely post on others' blogs as I do not want to repeat what is on there in my own wirds but so it might help others more I will post more on other people blogs"
posted at 22:42:50 on March 14, 2011 by Joshua
Glad you posted    
"I'm glad you posted. I've been wondering how you're doing. Don't be too hard on yourself, lust is harder than acting out, and some teenage girls look older than they are. Keep coming back, it's been kind of quiet around here lately."
posted at 00:17:35 on March 15, 2011 by dstanley
Thanks for sharing :)    
"Joshua, I am so glad you posted. I'm sorry you feel like an outsider. There have for sure been times on this site when I have felt like you have. It's hard to open up and vent, and the. Get no feedback.
I am one who doesn't comment on other peoples enough, so I want to thank you for putting this and making me more aware. I usually just feel that I am inadequate to giver others advice. But talking to the people on this site is amazing!
About your day, I really am so glad you left the door open. It's the little things that change our addictions. Lust is a very powerful and extreme thing. I understand, we all struggle in differemt areas but for most (for me) the core is lust, so no not gross! hope that youre doing well, and please keep coming beck. (I speaking the choir here). "
posted at 00:58:40 on March 15, 2011 by Helpme
you are in my prayers    

t is great to hear of your full honesty. That is even hard for me, especially telling my wife of such an experience, when she might be thinking all is well, but all is not well (in my mind). Keep praying and keep cherishing your relationship with the Lord.

posted at 08:55:55 on March 15, 2011 by lawrence

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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball