4 days etc.
By dstanley
12/28/2010 12:51:11 AM
I'm back to 4 days. I've been talking to my ex-husband. I don't want to get back with him at this point (although he definitely wants to). I'm starting to identify with things said by other wives on this site. It's hard to know if I should give him a chance or not. I'm taking it slowly for now. Now I have to get to bed tonight. I'm leaving early in the morning for a 3 night trip to LA and San Diego with my oldest son. I have mixed emotions about leaving my 1 year old with my mom. I know he'll be fine, but it's going to probably be a little bit emotional for me.


Excited for your HOLIDAY!    
"What a wonderful time to spend with your son. I hope it is a great break from the norm.

As far as the ex - I think you hit it right the last post -" Last night" in second chances.

Looking from your shoes - when I was younger I see that they did use thier "flattery" and thier "many words" to move me where they wanted to. For some I was able to gain control back - for others I had to cut them off completely. No contact. It sounds harsh - but looking back - it saved me the only way I could be saved. Free from them controlling me.
I realize you have to communicate. But maybe keep it all business. Son only. Nothing more. This way there is no chance of him influencing you again.
As a mom - I completely understand about your one yr old. I was very nervous the first couple of times
but now - I actually tell the sitters. If they're not killing each other or gushing blood, I'm good:) It's true because I need my time off from the kids - just like they need time off from me.

Good luck D . Sending hugs and prayers your way.
posted at 23:39:34 on December 28, 2010 by 4intow
"Just go on your trip + have some fun. Forget about the problems + BS. Have some fun time living, breathing + making memories. You have to smile. Don't be so serious. Dance + laugh...
Watch the movie 'diary of a whimpy kid'. My kids love that + for a kids movie I liked it too. Reminded me when I was in jr high.

Abusers very rarely rehabilitate. Its the natural man thing. They stay in the same cycle over and over. Sure god can change hearts + nature sometimes, but very rarely interviens. Protect yourself + kids.

Be serious is ok but laugh at things sometimes. Thru all my trauma I can still laugh at myself + stuff. My life mostly sucks, but I can still laugh sometimes. Friends come + go, and people let you down, but I have humor, + heavy metal of course. Music is my main thing. ....heavy metal isn't too excepted at church, but you know. Some guys on here admitted to listening to metal too....that made me smile. \,,/

So I'm broke, unemployed, and no education, and have major depression, but I'm still a dad + my kids like my PBJ sandwiches...remember its the small things....and for now my kids still like me. So that's okay. I lost everything else.

Enough of telling you what to do. You're a big kid, you know.

posted at 09:24:49 on December 29, 2010 by skyteamst90
It ain't easy but it is worth the effort.    
"From a single dad's perspective with 5 in tow, I had to make that tough decision to break it off. I had been enabling my former wife's addiction for so long that the children were suffering for it. The Lord actually told me that "It Was Time To Let Go." I had to get help myself to not slip back into that enabling role with all of it's co-dependency underpinnings. Communication was to be kept strictly about the children s welfare. No more rescuing her. Sad thing is that I had to stop enabling my children and hiding them from all of the darkness that my former wife's parade of men and boyfriends did to my once happy family.
Time and effort have brought healing. The Lord has provided this wonderful LDSAR support group which reaches out to those who struggle with addiction and codependency. Yes, you can even spot the rescuers on this site. We all help to strengthen each other. God bless you and strengthen you and may He watch over your children."
posted at 19:53:03 on December 30, 2010 by 3R's
"Thanks for all that you all said. It was a great trip (minus the car accident). I survived being away from my little one and had a great time with just my older one. I've seen that my ex has gone downhill not uphill, so at this point I'm not even concerned with keeping him posted about our son. I had hoped he had changed, but clearly not for the better. I need to remember that it's better to be lonely than to be friends with someone who isn't good for me or my recovery."
posted at 06:56:46 on January 10, 2011 by dstanley

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"Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"

— David O. McKay